Do you remember Gladys, the missing gnome? Poor thing. Hooligan teenagers stealing all but her feet and throwing her in the river. Or maybe she met her demise by one of those darn velociraptors, the ever-present threat they are.
I am more shook up than ever about her disappearance now because of the information I acquired today. I was speaking with Karen, our office manager extraordinaire at church, and was showing her a picture of my completed quilt on my blog. As I scrolled past a picture of the gnomes, she laughed, as Dawson people do at my tame obsession with the gnome folk and culture. I mentioned the feet of Gladys that remain and then she said, all serious like, “Well, you know who that is, right?”
… pause …
My hands flew to my chest as I gasped. No. NO. I have met Gladys – the real Gladys – the one for whom the gnome was dedicated and created! Gladys is a lovely woman who lives in the assisted living facility in town. A sweet woman with vests and collared shirts who attends worship and is always so kind to chat. An elderly woman who spent years writing a column in the weekly Dawson Sentinal paper and serving the community. A woman who doesn’t deserve for her gnome-clone to be stolen and disrespected.
To the teenagers or velociraptors who are responsible –
I’m disgusted.
there's no place like gnome. 
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