Have you seen the videos making the rounds on youtube – sh*t [enter profession, geographical region, or title] say? [I sadly fall into this one – sh*t Minnesotans say. Oh fer funny.] Consider this only the very beginning of sh*t funeral directors say.
I’m in funeral mode this week with my third one coming up at the end of this week. [bye bye convocation at luther sem] Funeral directors can say the silliest things. Well – some silly. Some just odd to the outside but yet normal for their chosen occupation. I’m gathering quite the list working with three separate funeral home and three different guys thus far. Here we go.
[I answer the phone. My caller ID has alerted me that it is the funeral home on the other end but Mark, the funeral guy, starts the conversation like this:]
Hi. I’d like to order a pizza …
[discussing the transportation to the cemetery]
And since this is the first funeral we’ll be doing with you, you’ll drive the hearse. You know, an induction of sorts.
[different funeral, different guy]
And you can just ride in the hearse with me to the cemetery. You can sit up front.
How old are you?
Feet to the east, head to the west.
[Apparently it’s a rule.]
Don’t get me wrong as I tease – I admire these men and the work they do. I like these guys.
[But that doesn’t mean I want to work with them any more than necessary.] They’re just so … wacky sometimes. [And perhaps you have to be in that line of work.]
Fellow pastors – anything to add?
there's no place like gnome. 
Yea, that is part of the tradition of the church and understanding from the words of Jesus. It would be that upon the return of Jesus, Jesus will return from the East.