angry fist shake.

25 Jul
Sometimes I feel like shaking my angry fist and yelling with such indignation,
Curse you, introspective, processing mind and truth-telling friends!*
Don’t we all?
I’ve had one of those days.  I still haven’t recovered from a sleep-deprived week in NOLA.  I’m overwhelmed at work.  I hate that while I normally say, “We should do that this summer when we have more time!,” I now find myself saying, “We should have more time come fall.  Let’s do that then.”   [which is a lie.  we all know fall won’t be any slower.] Work is busy and right now seems all about budgets and writing job descriptions and administration; things I know absolutely nothing about.  I feel inadequate to do my job.
Twice today, amid tales of my day and how I feel dumb and inadequate and unable, I had friends tell me to go easy on myself.  To cut my own self a break.  I am the worst negative self-talker in all the world [or at least one of them].  What happened to the Lindsay with self-confidence, positivity [which, ironically, is one of my StrengthsFinder themes], and optimism?  I’m not sure where she has gone but I should probably find her.  It would be great if she would return.  Until then, I’ll shake my angry fist at the knowledge of what’s wrong and my current inability to know how to change it.  I’ll work on it.
At least it was a good hair day.  Had that going for me.
* but I’m thankful for truth-telling friends and a certain self-awareness.
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