I once popped my knee cap by sitting down.
Have I told you that story? I was in high school and still riding the bus home from school. I got on the bus this particular fall day and just as I was somehow twisting my body to sit in the seat, the bus started to move, and that caused my knee cap to pop. My knee cap was seriously sticking out where it should not have been sticking out.
I tapped Matt on the shoulder. Matt was, at the time, one of my friend’s boyfriend. Look at my knee! He looked, said, That’s not normal! and then sat back down. The bus driver could see there was some kind of commotion in the back but I assured her it was fine. The knee cap popped back into place without much prodding and, really, it did feel okay. Not too much pain.
Until it was my turn to get off the bus and I could barely make it down the aisle and across the road. I stayed at the end of the driveway while my dad backed the pickup to where I was and then took me to the emergency room. I was on crutches and had a knee brace.
That was dumb injury number one.
Dumb injury number two?
I hurt my back. I feel about 84 when I say that. I’m on a steady diet of ibuprofen and watching me get out of bed to turn off my alarm is painful, both to do and to watch. How did I hurt my back?
I was walking.
It was Sunday morning and I was walking to church. I had my computer in my purse slung over my shoulder, as I always do, and I stopped at the mailbox to grab the church mail from the weekend. As I walked across the parking lot, I could feel something beginning to happen in my back. It started to spasm and, well, hurt.
Did you slip on ice? people ask me. No.
Did you step funny? Nope.
Did you twist weird? Not that I recall.
I was walking. The queen of dumb injuries rests her case.
there's no place like gnome. 
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