bite me, transitions.

30 Aug
Let us first note that this is my 200th post on this blog. Sorry to say it’s not going to be a very nice one. I considered waiting … not writing what is on my mind … including something pleasure-filled like yesterday’s celebratory moments. But what did I decide? Bite me, transitions. This is where tonight finds me; thus this is the blog posting #200. (I promise posting #201 will be all things magnificent and not depressing.)
I hate transitions – this one most specifically. To get you up to date, yesterday was my last day in Dawson. My last Sunday at Grace. Despite the fact that I had to leave, the morning was all things wonderful. The staff, internship committee, and congregation gave me the most thoughtful and perfect send-off. It included many things gnome, many things written, and so many joyful moments. Honestly, it made leaving all the more difficult because of how perfect the morning was … hrmph. I promise more about that, the inclusion of literary pieces (stories, odes, songs and sermon), and the tale of an attic tour is soon to come. Cross my heart. But right now –
Bite me, transitions. I left Dawson yesterday afternoon, arrived in St.Paul in the early evening, and then home to Edgerton by midafternoon today. It’s been a lot of packing, unpacking, and traveling for this short gnome. (That wheelbarrow gets exhausting to push. Too many books, boxes, and baking supplies!) I feel like I’m in between. Like I’m not quite sure where I belong. Dawson has been my home for the past year. St.Paul will become my home … but right now my apartment is the most chaotic pile of boxes ever. It feels nothing like home. Edgerton is always my home … but not ever in the same way when I live out of a clothesbasket while here.
I think back to other big transitions in my life. I moved to Decorah, three hours away from home, for college and mildly freaked out. In all honesty, as an eighteen year old, Decorah never felt like home. It wasn’t until I was 21 – my junior year – that I remember feeling like I belonged there. But I was there with 600 other students who were in the midst of the same transition. After college, after my stint substitute teaching at home, I moved to Stillwater. Big transition. Hard transition. But once I adjusted, I loved it … and I stayed there for a couple years. Even once I was in St.Paul, I was never too far from my Stillwater life. The transition to Dawson was not an easy one either; it took many months for me to adjust and have Dawson feel like home.
Eventually, it did. Then it was time to leave. Yesterday. I think what really bothers me about this transition is that I’m not a part of a mass-group of people undergoing the same change. Sure, other interns are filing back to campus from internship but we all had such different experiences. I feel there are many ways that I cannot even share what I experienced at Grace because it seems like I’m bragging. Dawson folk – you’re just too dang awesome. I feel very restless and very alone in the transition. I’m not sure where to go with it. And then I’m back on campus, transitioning, while I know that business at Grace continues … and I’m no longer there to be a part of it. The further bothersome point? Grace became my family … and I don’t know when the next reunion will be. It’s always helpful to know a date, an event, something that will bring us back together and right now, that’s unknown. I can only hope sometime in the somewhat near future.
I know it will get better but right now it’s just icky. I start to tear up when I think about it. It wasn’t much fun getting on I-94 and driving east instead of west. My heart wanted to lead me in a different direction. Bite me, transitions. I don’t like you much at all right now.
(I forewarned you that it would be a bit of a pity-post. That’s where I am, having my own little pity party. It will get better but for now, when I’m stuck in the in between, I cry. I mope. And I have to write/proof/finalize a twenty page paper tomorrow. That doesn’t help matters much either. I hrmph again.)

2 Responses to “bite me, transitions.”

  1. ourlittlesliceofhappy August 31, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    Please know we all miss you already! No one else could be the Gnome Preacher. I hope you will keep blogging. We'll invite you down next time we make salmon loaf. *hugs*

  2. ourlittlesliceofhappy August 31, 2010 at 9:02 pm #

    P.S. We're out of jam. *sad*

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