I feel —

7 Oct
// afraid/apprehensive/scared/pessimistic/nervous/worried //
Tomorrow afternoon, Friday, after a long day of classes, is the first step in my approval process.  In order to be considered for ordination, I need to be approved by both the faculty and by my home synod candidacy committee.  Tomorrow is the interview with my faculty advisor and another faculty member.  They will ask me questions about my approval essay and other questions about my theological beliefs.  I’m terrified.  
I’m not always so quick or so articulate about my theological beliefs.  (Real great for a pastor, right?)  I can articulate theology in a sermon or in a confirmation lesson but ask me academically what justification or grace is and I’ll begin to stutter.  Sure, I’ll grab my thoughts and voice sooner than later but it’s not always pretty.  (What else isn’t pretty?  My self-confidence.)  Add it to the interrogation feel of me sitting across from two professors with their doctorates in theology/Bible and I’m scared stiff.  
I know I shouldn’t be worried.  They’re professors and they’re nice people.  They want to see me succeed.  But it’s just the idea that if I screw this up, this could prevent me from doing what I truly feel called to do.  Not only what I feel called to do but what I love to do and where I feel my gifts are used to the fullest.
Prayers and warm thoughts at 4pm are gratefully welcomed.  

Update: I’m approved!  Well, my faculty interviewers will recommend me for approval … this is simply the first step but one in the right direction!

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