love.

26 Jul
You think to yourself, “Could this girl blog any more than she has in the last few days?!”  
[Don’t challenge me!]
Here’s what I think: I’m still processing that day when that one thing called ordination happened.  As I process, I blog.  Not to mention, now that the ordination planning is behind me, what else am I supposed to do?
In the process of it all and in talking to the call committee chair at Red Oak Grove [hereafter to be called ROG], I will not move until Labor Day weekend.  I will begin work that week and lead my first worship service on September 11.  [Sounds like a great idea, right?  On the tenth anniversary of Sept. 11, I will preach to a church of people I have yet to know.]  That means one more month at home.  One more month to … shrug
So there’s that.  And then there’s the fact that I feel a little … sad that the day is over.  There was so much build-up [um, four years?] to that day and now, it’s over.  In the past.  Behind me.  I knew that on that day I would see friends and family and we would celebrate.  Celebration over.  As my favorite resident in my CPE nursing home would say in her raspy voice, “Now what?”  [“Push Margie?  Feed Margie?”  She would also tell me on occasion, “You talk too much.”  That may apply here as well.]

That being said, let’s talk a little bit about this word love.
This word has been a part of the last few days in many different ways.  I had written earlier that I felt so supported and loved on that day.  [True story.]  Whether the word was said verbally or not, I felt it.  Then I started to say it and hear it in all sorts of places.
From my college roommate, who has taught me a lot about saying “I love you” aloud, something I have always been timid to do; now it’s how we end our phone conversations.  I yelled it to Cassie as she left that night.  “Love yous!”  [She responded with a “I know.”]  In the card I received from my tweeds.  [Tweeds: pet name for Sara.  I call her that and she calls me Schmoopsie.]  At the end of an email from a Dawson friend and in the text message I sent to another Dawsonite [and meant to be shared with the whole sixteen hour crew.  she’s just the one I normally text.].  At the end of a message, combined with a “God loves you,” and at the conclusion of my video ordination greeting from friends.  A “love ya” that was signed with a “ME” in a facebook message, and a “We love you, Lindsay” from the Bananas.
As Hugh Grant says in the beginning voiceover of the movie Love Actually, “If you take the time to look, you’ll discover that love is, actually, all around.”
I’m looking.  I’m looking to name it already present and to grow into it.  It’s still a tricky thing to say, and it can be a tough bridge to cross.  It’s something I still hope to discover in one sense of the word, but also something I feel my life is filled with in another sense.  It’s found on tip-toes and shouted from roof tops, and it’s not an easy thing to always talk about …
And …
… I end this post, having confused myself, forgetting the point I initially wanted to make, and for fear of getting a little too sappy.
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2 Responses to “love.”

  1. Allliiieee July 27, 2011 at 12:52 pm #

    I forgot how much I love your blog Lindsay!! and yes… you are loved. You are one of the kindest, smartest most inward and outwardly beautiful people that I've evern known. Referenceing the old adage that you "reap what you sew"….you should always always be surrounded in love, because you radiate it.

  2. cassination July 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    ps- i love you!(not a reference to a movie. but a 'i know you love me and you should know you are loved too').

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