On my home phone answering machine –
First message:
[elderly man’s voice]
Hi Jane. This is Bigalow. The Detroit Tigers are playing the Mud Hens in an exposition game and Detroit was winning 8 to 1.
I just wondered how you all were doing.
Okay. Buh bye.
[distantly, not into the phone] I’m sure I got the right one.
Second message:
[distantly, not into the phone] I think I had the wrong one …
[… and this isn’t the first time he’s called. You’d think my machine saying ‘Hey, this is Lindsay’ would give him a hint.]
there's no place like gnome. 
This. is. awesome.And his name is Bigalow! It doesn't get any better.