coughing hysteria.

3 Dec
I’ve had a cold for the past week.  This isn’t new.  I’ve lived with it.  I’ve chugged cold medicine and gone through boxes of kleenexes.  I thought I was beginning to feel better.
Then Sunday morning happened.  I was fine.  Just fine.  [Or as Monica would say when she is sick, I’m find.  Chandler responds, When you say fine with a D, you’re not FIND.]  My voice was a little nasal but that’s it.  I wasn’t really coughing.  I was good.
Until the reading of the gospel, which, luckily, was an all-together reading for this particular Sunday.  The congregation continued reading while I got the most giant coughing fit ever.  I couldn’t stop.  They keep reading Psalm 96 while I ran into the sacristry where I remembered seeing mint candies.  Something to suck on would help calm the coughing, I thought.  
I thought wrong.  The children’s sermon time was horrible.  I finally, into the microphone, had to ask that someone get me some water.  A bottle of water came up the aisle, along with a partially opened cough drop from the depths of some old lady’s purse.  I ate it.  There was no time for Halloween candy ethics [if it’s open, throw it away]; that cough drop helped me survive the rest of the church service.
I still coughed a lot.  And made the congregation answer a question to one another at the beginning of the sermon just so I could blow my nose.  It was terrible miserable and I’m so embarrassed by it all.  But what else was I to do?  I had no associate to take over, and just wasn’t sure what my next move should be besides hacking up a lung into my elbow cough pocket while serving communion.  [Just kidding.  By communion time, I was mostly okay.]
I went out with a group of eight older church ladies later that afternoon.  We went to see the production of White Christmas at the local college and then out to Culver’s.  We addressed my coughing fit and they told me I handled it very well.  You’re human, one woman told me.  True story.

a thankful november: first graders.

1 Dec
I know it’s December.  December 1st.   I KNOW.  Calm down.
I was going to write this yesterday but I didn’t get home while it was still yesterday.  Lefse making went late last night [and was awesome.]  More on that to come.  [Three batches, four friends, two griddles, and no catastrophes!  There is a movie title in there somewhere.]
But before the lefse making began, I went to my Friday afternoon gig – helping first graders with sight words.  It’s super fun because we’re starting to get to know each other.  I walk in the rooms and they wave.  Before I leave the room, they yell in unison, Bye Ms. Stolen.  They tell me stories about their elves on the shelves and show me their candy cane picture proudly.  It’s fun.
My favorite part is when they have to make up sentences with their sight words.  For some reason, I think I would struggle with the exercise.  I don’t know why but I’m always amazed at how fast they are.  And how fun the sentences are.  And how they smirk when they say them.  My favorite?  The word: old.  The sentence: you’re old.  smirk

a thankful november: new gnome.

27 Nov
There was a package on my doorstep today.  It came from Alaska and had a gnome inside.
See, my brother, Ben, went to the local library book basket auction.  [I guess it’s a thing.]  There was a gnome basket for auction; it’s the one he went home with and the one he then transferred to a box to send to me.  There are gardening tools, seeds, a book on container gardening [perfect for me!], and a new gnome.
I was digging through the box, pulling the items out one by one and excited about the contents.  Whoever put the basket together for auction is awesome and quite possibly my long lost twin.  I set the heavy gnome on the counter.  I shall call him Gandalf the Green.  He has a walking stick. 
I kept going thru the box contents and found one last book.  It’s then that I realized the error of my ways – my gnome collecting ways.  That one last book?  How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will).  Shit.  My gnomes are going to kill me.
My collection of gnomes?  People sending me new gnomes for my collection?  And those poor people in Dawson, surrounded by gnomes!  I suddenly was aware that I wasn’t simply gathering cute and innocent gnomes in my corner curio cabinet.  I’m freakin’ helping them achieve their evil endgame by bringing them together.  The dark one is gathering all armies to him.  It won’t be long now.  He will soon be ready to make his last war that will cover all the world in darkness.  [Just a little LOTR for you.  To make Gandalf the Green feel at home.]
Needless to say, this package from my brother may be more than simple thoughtfulness and fun.  This package will help me survive the inevitable garden gnome attacks. 
This package may save my life.  

sh*t Molly does.

26 Nov
Emma and I dreamed and planned this blog post as we went shopping with cousin Molly and hung out with cousin Molly.  She does wackiest things and doesn’t care one bit what people think.  Oh, to be like that.  She talks about burying food in the backyard in case of the zombie apocalypse and quotes Dumb and Dumber along with the freaky horror movie preview we saw at the theater.  Molly is frickin’ hilarious and this is the shit she does.  [Not pictured: the bbq potato chip face mask she created at jimmy john’s.]

playing the organ at grandma & grandpa’s in emma’s old prom dress.  naturally.

four inch heels for a thirteen year old?

black friday shopping is exhausting.

they sell this at target.  not kidding.

a thankful november: trips home.

25 Nov
I am thankful for trips home.  For as close as I live [four hours away is the closest I’ve lived in four years] I don’t get home very often.  It’s good when I do.
I took a sanity day last Wednesday and headed for southern Wisconsin.  For this trip home, I slumbered at my grandparent’s house in Edgerton along with my mom and my sister.  [My mom’s new house is slated to be done right around Christmas time.]  Cousin Molly practically lived there too [even though her real bed is just one house down the street].
This trip home consisted of thanksgiving deliciousness, movie nights and shopping with sister Emma and cousin Molly, Target runs with Mom, a girl’s night out with high school friends, and family visits.  Oh, and I helped Grandpa Sid cut his pills in half.  He asked when Emma and I stopped by for a visit.  And he handed me a pliers to do the job.  All in all, a pretty great and exhausting time. 
It’s also a year to be thankful for technology.  My annual Thanksgiving Day Bake-Off cousin, Connor, is currently studying abroad in Ghana.  No plate of mashed potatoes with his name on it.  No bake-off this year.  [Rescheduled for Christmas.]  But we got to skype with him!  How crazy is it that you can see and talk to someone across the world in real time?  Technology is great.  [Know who else loves technology?  Kip.  From Napoleon Dynamite.]
This trip home was good.  And one thing that makes coming back to Austin not quite as hard is checking the mail after I’ve been gone for a few days.  I love mail.  I subscribe to a lot of magazines just so I have something in my mailbox.  I’m just waiting for the Christmas card season to start!  I got a surprise this time around – two, actually.  One – a card from my friend Amanda with a gnome magnet inside!  Two – an anonymous letter with a magazine clipping inside about how women shouldn’t be pastors.  Yay!   I love mail … most of the time.  Welcome back, Pastor Lindsay.

a thankful november: babies.

17 Nov
It seems I’m surrounded by babies.  All my friends have babies or are having babies.  [I don’t.  But this isn’t meant to be a lament … moving on.]  And I’m thankful for them.

I like babies.  I always have.  The joke in high school was that I was going to have, like, eight babies.  [I haven’t.  But this isn’t meant to be a lament … moving on.]  I love holding them and dressing them and playing with them, she says as if they are dolls.  I know they’re not dolls.  

Babies are on the brain because yesterday I packed a box with two quilts inside to send to Montana.  I am thankful for babies because they give me a quilting purpose.  I am thankful for babies because these particular two baby girls fulfill a mommy and daddy dream for two of my favorite people.  I am so thankful that this pair of baby girls were born early this morning, healthy and beautiful!  I can’t wait to meet them.

a thankful november: today.

12 Nov
It’s Monday.  Nobody likes Monday.
But today was a good Monday for this pastor.  It started with quilting with the ladies, and by quilting I mean I had coffee with them and then, of course, potluck lunch. I brought cakepops to share.  I had many in-depth conversations about cakepops.  It’s cool.  I like to talk about them.
A communion visit and then coffee with my mentor?  Good.  Conversation with seminary roomie via mobile?  Good.  Good news via text from a pregnant friend in Montana?  Good.  Council meeting?
Good!
Council meetings typically leave me in tears.  I’m usually frustrated at my inability to lead.  They’re long.  Sometimes respect for each other isn’t there.  But tonight – it was good.
How did that happen?
First, we started with worship.  I normally lead devotions [read: lame] but tonight I wanted to give them a sneak peak at Holden Evening Prayer, a service we are trying during Advent this December.  The council didn’t seem entirely thrilled – especially the men – but they stuck with it.  It took a half hour – much longer than typical devotions.  I wondered if they hated me for it.
But I think they were okay.  Then I presented them with a possible mission statement for Red Oak Grove.  To get to it, I made them play hangman.  They guessed letters and I filled them in to get Gathering in grace, growing in faith, going forth to serve.  They humored me and then we had a decent conversation about the statement.
THEN the meeting was about to wrap when someone spoke up.  This person is one in charge of the church’s seminary endowment fund.  [a fund of money we can’t touch but to support future pastors in seminary with the interest gained.]  No one is using the fund right now.  Maybe our pastor could use the interest gained this year for her seminary loans?  It’s not much, she said.  It didn’t matter how much; I was humbled at the thought.  
We held hands [yeah. we do that.], said the Lord’s prayer, and the meeting was over.  The meeting was just over an hour.  That’s at least thirty minutes shorter than usual.  And then Paige posted this photo from last night on facebook.  Thankful for the feet of friends [and the rest of their bodies, too].
Good day.

I’m bored.

10 Nov
This is no thankful november post.  Don’t hate me –
But I’m bored.
I’ve felt this coming on for the past couple weeks.  Work has been … slow [knock on wood].  Slow as in I’ve been able to get my work done during the work day.  No long nights.  No weekend work.  
Hurray!  It’s what I’ve been striving for all along.  
Yesterday Mabel and I went for a walk and I went to Rochester to get an oil change and I watched a movie and I cleaned and I baked a couple cakes for future cakepops and I resisted spending $80 on Christmas cards.  Today I cleaned some more, read in the hammock, wrote snail mail, quilted, went for a walk, watched television, wrote a sermon, la di da.
One can only quilt, watch television, and walk so much.  I need some excitement in this life, otherwise this winter is going to be a long one.  New hobby?  More friends?  I don’t know.  Something.  [I realize it’s almost a luxury to feel bored.  I shouldn’t complain.  I know I shouldn’t.  But I think I just did in the tiniest bit.]
Me.

a thankful november: the three musketeers.

6 Nov
I’ve been gone.  Fall theological convention in Onalaska, WI, baby!  It’s a crazy time.  You might want to disagree.  A theological convention for pastors is crazy?  I don’t lie.  There were hot tub parties, dinners with crazy travel stories, Spotted Cow, and lots of laughs. 
I went with jD and Paige.  Are you surprised?
The synod staff sitting at the registration table wasn’t.  Here come the three musketeers, they chimed as we slipped on our nametags.  They had fun-size three musketeer bars on the registration table.  We each ate one.  It was fitting.  Then jD and I drank a Spotted Cow while Paige drank a cranberry juice.  Also fitting.
I really couldn’t imagine a fall theological convention without them.  In our last year here, we’ve made some new friends too; we weren’t an exclusive group of three musketeers [or the newly labeled kkk – kool kids klub].  We had a crazy late night in our friend, Karen’s, room, discussing the red flannel decor and the fact that I never smile.*   We went out to supper at Piggy’s in downtown LaCrosse with a large group of pastor friends.  The Sunday afternoon through Tuesday morning requirement went by fast.  A car ride home with a game of spill-your-guts:what-don’t-we-know-about-each-other ended the adventure.
I’m thankful for my fellow musketeers [and their families].  Without them, fall theological would be much more work, less fun, and life in ministry would simply be more difficult and lonely.  
We texted this photo to jD to give him a clue to our whereabouts.  His response?  Where the hell are you?  Exactly.

* I was told to smile! in passing once more at the conference.  Strangers, synodical ministers, friends, you name it.  I apparently walk around with a frown on my face.

a thankful november: childlike surprise.

3 Nov
I went to Austin today to fetch sewing machine needles [it was a dire situation; my last one had snapped mid-quilt] and to return library books.  Oh so exciting, right?  I went to the fabric store.  La di da.  And then I went to Target because Target is right next to the fabric store and why oh why would I not go inside to see their fall decor on clearance?  [scored: a black metal jack-o-lantern lantern for 70% off]
Next I drove downtown towards the library.  As I drove past the Hy-Vee and neared my turn, in the open part to the my right was a hot air balloon.  You know – giant.  ‘uge.  I thought, well, that’s cool but nothing much beyond that.  I’ve seen that before.  Kept driving.
I returned my library books and as I was walking to my car again, a stranger – an older gentleman – was a couple cars away from me.  He yelled to me, Look!  A pie in the sky.  I first I thought, wow, this man is crazy and yelling about pie.  I followed his finger pointing to the hot air balloon, now floating above Austin.  Okay, pretty cool.  I smiled at him and said something lame about it taking off from over by Hy-Vee.  He said again, It’s a pie in the sky.
He was so surprised by the sight.  He was so excited about it that he shared it with me, a perfect stranger, in the library parking lot.  But he wasn’t the only one taken by the balloon.  As I drove away thru downtown, people had spilled out of the VFW and other businesses to stare up at the pie in the sky.  [This makes Austin seem pretty boring, if people go out of their way to watch a balloon.  SPAM, we need some excitement.]  
It was like a small child seeing Christmas lights, or an airplane fly overhead, or the delight a kid gets from seeing polar bears wrestle at the zoo.  If only things surprised us like that more often, eh? 
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