acceptance.

21 Jul
I received my oh-so-very official letter of call to Red Oak Grove in the mail a few days ago.  It has a gold seal and everything.  By putting a letter of acceptance in the mail tomorrow, I accept the call to serve as their pastor.  This is my job description:
“To preach and teach the Word of God in accordance with the Holy Scriptures and the Lutheran Confessions; to administer Holy Baptism and Holy Communion; to lead in worship; to proclaim the forgiveness of sins; to provide pastoral care; to speak justice in behalf of the poor and oppressed; to encourage persons to prepare for the ministry of the Gospel; to impart knowledge of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in American and its wider ministry; to endeavor to increase support given by our congregation to the work of our whole church; to equip the congregation for witness and service; and guide the congregation in proclaiming God’s love through word and deed.”
I love it.
Game on.

bulletin: complete.

20 Jul
It was a big day in the world of ordination planning for this girl.  Knowing that the bulletins need to be printed tomorrow meant buckling down on the project that has consumed my life.  Picky and particular about spacing, layout, and fonts, I spend way too much time on things like this.  But I was also able to add something to the bulletin today which was quite thrilling for me –
Special music.  With word this morning that the entire staff of Grace in Dawson is coming [enter jumping up and down, a three-fold amen, or something to signify the excitement], I realized I had both a talented piano man and strong voice to put to use.  Last minute, I know, but I’m super excited that Chris and Jon agreed to do a music piece for the offering.  [Likely another moment I’ll cry during the service.]
I made lots of detail phone calls today.  I spoke with the woman of the church who is putting together the reception that follows.  She wondered how many to plan for at the service.  75?, she asked.  I said, well, with my family and friends from outside the church alone, I bet we’re looking at fifty.  [Fifty?!  I’m so excited!]  I spoke to Red Oak Grove [check out this strange looking girl on their website] to learn if they were or were not coming to present me.  [Answer still unknown.]  Facebook messages, emails, and texts were sent and received, all leading up to a fairly concrete and appropriate service, neatly arranged on four sheets of folded paper.  To the printer tomorrow and then I won’t look at them until Sunday for fear of finding a typo.
It was a great check-things-off-the-list kind of day and simply a day to get extremely emotional about what is to come.  I spoke to Tammy on the phone and she told me, “I’m so excited I can hardly stand it!” Me too!  My red stole [sewn by my mother] hangs on the door to my bedroom and as I look at it, I realize I’m trapped in a glass case of emotion.  One minute, it’s tears.  The next, pure unhinged excitement.  I can’t stand it!
[I also went to Madison for a haircut.  Baked a batch of cookies.  Went swimming with the cousins whom I picked up from daycare.  Made cakepops with Aunt Kari and cousin Connor for his grad party on Saturday.  Long day.  Exciting day.  Time for night-night.  Sleep well.]

shoes.

19 Jul
I’m going to get all girly on you right about now.
I’m so excited to begin working again in a congregation.  I’m so thrilled to think about doing ministry again as a pastor.  I can’t wait for many reasons [new people, children’s ministry, a house] but one of those reasons is pretty silly.
I miss wearing heels.

I miss dressing up on a daily basis.  Last year, while on internship, I discovered I loved heels with a nice pair of Gap trousers.  First of all, the pants are too long for me to wear without heels.  [I’m short.]  But second, I just feel much more put together and I know I carry myself taller when I’m propped up a few inches by my shoes.

I loved the feeling of a fun pair of heels on my feet while wearing a robe leading worship.  [It’s nearly the only part of me that people can see, not covered by the alb.  Might as well make it fun and my style.] There were many Sundays people commented on the shoes.  Many times the women loved them and often time, the men made fun of them.  
I still remember wearing my shiny black pointy-toed heels for the first time on a Sunday.  As I recessed out with Kendall at the end of the service, an usher stopped me in the narthex and asked me if I had a license to carry a lethal weapon.  “What?” I asked him, seriously confused.  He pointed to my shoes.  “You could hurt someone with those.”
Wearing heels requires some strategic planning.  To not wear the ones that clicked the loudest on the hardwood floors of the altar area at funerals was often a part of my thought process.  In the winter, to transition from the actual funeral service to the graveside meant a quick switch of heels to boots or flats.  Often times, I actually just kept my heels at church, especially in the winter.  They sat in a line behind my desk in my office and I would wear my boots to and from, changing when I walked in the door.
I don’t have much cause to wear heels right now.  I’ll be honest – most days I don’t do my hair and some I don’t even change out of my sweats.  It’s pretty lowkey here on Aarback as I make cakepops and prep the ordination bulletin.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t added to my heel wardrobe in the last few weeks.  I scored a pair of red low heels as ordination footwear [The color of the day is red.] and the other two pair I bought today, all mega on clearance.  I figure they’ll be put to use once I’m back in the parish.  Or maybe tomorrow, just for kicks [get it?  kicks.], I’ll wear them when I go off to Madison to get my hair cut.  [My hair needs a major boost of life.  It’s pretty dead.  Hopefully Mallory can help me!]

we do weddings.

18 Jul
My home congregation is currently in interim and the interim has been on vacation for the last couple weeks.  I had a few clergy/wedding questions that I found no answers to online so I decided to visit my grandparent’s church in town and speak to their pastor.  
Pastor Jim was willing to sit down with me and answer my questions.  [Turns out, as a member of the clergy, I don’t need to register with the county/state in order to facilitate weddings.  Weird.]  We then began talking about what was coming up for me and for him, which led to ordination talk and more wedding talk.
My friends, Lynn and Kyle, are getting married at this church in September by Pastor Jim with me in some sort of assisting role.  I’ve done it before.  My friends, Kim and Mike, were married there a few years ago.  I assisted and preached the message.  [Kim is always quite thrilled to tell people that I blessed her.]
And so Pastor Jim and I talk about Lynn and Kyle’s wedding.  He mentioned that he spoke to Kyle earlier that day about pre-marital and beginning to make final decisions for the big day.  Kyle brought up my role in the service, reminding Pastor Jim that both he and Lynn want me to be a part of it.  
Pastor Jim said, “Oh, sure.  No problem.  Lindsay and I do weddings.”

Love it.

I wish –

18 Jul
I’ve been away.  There has been much blogging delay.  
I wish I could say that I’ve been busy hanging out with the hopeful new friend whom I emailed last week but nope.  I think he found me creepy and has yet to respond.  [I’m a wee bit bummed about this.]
I wish I could say that I’ve been busy replying to all of you who have written me emails.  But that’s not true either.  [Responses will come, I promise!]
I wish I could say that I was finishing up the final touches on the latest Cooking Pastor episode but that’s not the case.  I’m working on editing it but this one is taking me a bit longer.  It will be here sometime soon!
I wish I could say that I spent a couple hours at the theater watching the final installment of Harry Potter. I haven’t seen it yet but hope I will find time/friends to see it this week.
I wish I could say that I’ve been steadily focused on ordination and now all of those pieces are in place but that’s just silly.  If everything was ready, what would I have to do/stress about this week?  
Those are the things I have not been doing.  So where the hay have I been?
Playing a healthy and therapeutic dose of Apples to Apples and CatchPhrase with a picnic table full of cousins.  

Celebrating Tobacco Heritage Days in Edgerton.  It’s our summer festival and my way of celebrating included participating/helping at a family rummage sale on Friday, going out with friends on Saturday night, and watching the parade on Sunday.  Perhaps some of you know about my history of stripping [tobacco].  This year, the parade featured a series of floats [read: tractors] that explained the growing,  harvesting, and stripping processes of tobacco.  This is how I used to strip: [you can kinda see the dry-leafed plants hanging upside down.  remove leaves.  put in tobacco presses shown.  press.  bundle.  done.]
Catching up with old friends.  Twins Melanie and Megan joined Kim, Kay, and I for the parade in this lovely 90+ degree day.  Melanie and Megan were two years younger than us in high school but we became friends when they hosted an AFS student, Oksana, whom we all dearly loved.  Seeing Melanie and Megan, sitting at the parade with them, and catching up on each others’ lives seriously warmed my heart today.  
Following the parade, I celebrated with Marj, the mom of another high school friend, Jenni, at her birthday open house.  It was great to see Marj, other friends, and Jenni, who now lives in Indiana with her husband and foster children.  So wonderful.
Rolling, dipping, and decorating 250 cakepops.  Friend Krissy is getting married in three weeks and I said I would help her make cakepops for the reception.  We began at 4pm and I returned home after 11:30.  [My feet hurt.]
That’s where I’ve been.  I hope to be a more consistent virtual friend for you this week as the icky humid heat keeps me indoors.  I’m also fairly certain I’ll need the therapy of writing as my emotions grow out of whack in anticipation of [whispers] the ordination.

be honest –

14 Jul
Am I creepy?
Sometimes I wonder.
I understand I can be quirky and a bit strange.  For people who don’t know me, that may translate to creepy.  I sincerely hope not, but I wonder.
It’s coincidental and ironic that right about a year ago, I wrote a facebook message to someone I barely knew and asked him if he wanted to be my friend.  And it worked out.  Friends we became.  We played games and ate dinner and watched movies together.  We had fun together.  [At least I thought we did.  We’re not quite friends anymore so decipher what you will.  It makes me sad.  I miss him.  But that’s another story for another day.  Or never.  I probably scared him with my creepiness.]
It’s coincidental and ironic because I did it again.  I wrote an email last night to someone I have only briefly met once and, essentially, asked him to be my friend.  I really, really hope I didn’t creep him out.  I just casually mentioned that I know what it’s like to be a new pastor in a small town [yep.] and if he ever wanted to play Scrabble or talk to someone who wasn’t a member of his congregation [it’s sometimes nice.] that he should let me know.  It was both me offering to be a friend to him and me really hoping he will be my friend.  I could really use a friend who wants to play a board game on a random night or talk about church stuff.  Or go see the last Harry Potter movie.  [I’m Harry Potter friend-less.]   It would be swell.
But good news – if I did creep him out, all he needs to do is not respond and I don’t think we’ll ever really see each other again.  No harm, no regrets, and I tried.  [Unless he approaches my grandma at church and tells her what a creepy granddaughter she has.  But I don’t think he’d do that.  Or unless he comes to my ordination as a local clergy person.  He might do that.]

ordinational emotions.

12 Jul
[ordinational?  a word?  likely not until now.]
In attending ordinations of friends and beginning to plan my own, I often find myself emotional.  Two Sundays ago, the gospel text was from Matthew 11, the text that is read as a red stole is placed on the ordinand’s shoulders.  [“Come to me, all who you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30]  I found myself getting excited, anxious, and ready for this next step and this milestone in my journey into ministry.  
Since then, I can only guess that my actual ordination will be one of teary eyes.  I can’t quite pinpoint exactly what makes me so emotional about the planning of/the day but I can gather a few things.  They say that at one’s wedding, it is such a happy day because it’s the gathering of all the loved people in your life.  I’ve had no such wedding, but I only anticipate an ordination to be similar in that when I look at the congregation, my gaze will be met by so many important and loved people in my life who have supported me.  I look forward to and begin to get sentimental at the thought of family, friends, and congregation members gathering to celebrate God’s call in me to ministry.  The thought of it makes me grow emotional, and so incredibly blessed and thankful.
Forgive my constant admiration and idolization of internship, but I grow so excited to think of their celebration with me.  A year ago when I left, they [my coworkers] had said that they would want to come and be a part of my ordination but I understood that it was eight hours between us.  As I make plans and hear from others, it seems that many of my Dawson coworkers intend on making the drive.  They – and the congregation as a whole – have been such a formational part of my call to and competency in ministry that to even think that they will travel here makes me cry.  So excited.  [Sidenote: I wrote an email to Karen at Grace about ordination details to share with the congregation.  I mentioned the bus sighting of the Dawson mission trip folks I had on my way drive on Sunday and her response?  “I don’t think it was any accident that you saw the bus – you will always have a connection to Grace.”  Tears.  Tears because I want that to always be the truth.  I miss Grace.  I love Grace.]
In the planning of this ordination service, I also see congregation members of my home congregation so incredibly supportive and congratulatory.  I could not tell you the last time that East Koshkonong was host to an ordination; this is new territory.  They have gathered behind me in so many ways as I grew up in those pews – as a high school flute player with the senior choir, as a student in college, as a girl who lost her father, and as a pastoral candidate in seminary.  I grow so excited to share my ordination with them.  [Though I will say that this also comes with embarrassment – I have been absent it seems for so long that my name-to-face recognition is low.  Very low.  Must study the church directory.]
Cassie, who has been ordained for over a month, says that she got out all the tears and emotional breakdowns in the week prior to the service so she remained dry-eyed for the actual day.  [I just outed you, Cassie.  Hope that’s okay.]  I might make this my proposed approach so that when when friends and family read charges, when Cassie leads the prayers, and when Kendall preaches I don’t fall apart at that moment.  It will be an emotional day and an exciting day of praising God and celebrating the work Christ does in the world, in and through each person.
Can’t wait.

play day.

11 Jul

As I blogged late last night, I was certain today would be a good day.  Oh, it was.  Because I did nothing but play.

Well, wait.  I can say that I mailed out a pile of ordination announcements to family and close friends [but that’s fun for me – I love paper and snail mail].  I also chose texts for my ordination service and emailed those to my preacher [the preacher whom I am hands down thrilled he accepted and was willing to preach].  I asked my cousin to be the lay reader and the sixth grader shot me down.  And therein ended the ordination planning for the day because then I started playing.
I visited my grandma at the tv store [my uncle owns a tv/appliance store in Edgerton.  my grandma mans the phones when he and grandpa are out on service/installation calls.] and then just stopped by my aunt/uncle’s to see what the cousins were up to.  Nothing.  That’s the answer there.  Nothing.  So I did nothing with them.

[this photo is meant to be hideous.  this is not how molly typically looks.  promise.]
We drove to our house and baked home-made pizza.  We drove to our other cousin’s house and waited for them to get back from shopping.  We went prepared and waited in their pool.  nbd.  [no big deal.]  We swam, hid from Logan and Drew when they showed up, and then swam more.  Connor, Sam, and Molly came back to our house for cakepops and hammock time.  Laughter was aplenty and more is planned for tomorrow.
Perk #63 of being home: Impromptu cousin adventures.

a church day.

11 Jul
I’m highly caffeinated.  
It’s nearly 1am.  I spent right around nine hours in a car today.  And I’m wired.
Two iced coffees, two sodas, and a cup of warm coffee in a church fellowship hall.  
The day began with worship at my home congregation.  Talk of upcoming ordination and congratulations were many from dear congregation members.  There was a bit of distraction and also a bit of focus on the congregational vote that was happening in Austin.  THE vote to call me as pastor.
I arrived home and found my phone ringing.  A 507 number.  This was it.  I answered and heard this on the other end –
“Congratulations!”
[pause]
“Thank you?”  [I wasn’t entirely sure who was on the other end …]
The conversation continued and it was, indeed, the chair of the call committee of Red Oak Grove Lutheran Church in rural Austin.  They voted to call me as their pastor.  [yay!]
phew.  I had known in hypotheticals that this would eventually be the case.  I’ve never heard of a vote not passing but it was still reassuring to know that it’s the real deal, that I could make it facebook official, and that I can now mail out my ordination announcements.
After the phone call, I jumped in the car and headed north on Interstate 90 towards LaCrosse, passing a bus of Dawson friends traveling south at one point just north of Madison.  I knew that Dawson youth were on their way to Chicago for a mission trip and I knew that they had stayed the night in the Dells the night prior.  I kept my eyes peeled, wondering if our paths would cross.  And they did!  I called Emily to say hi and to tell her I saw her bus with organist Chris driving in his bus-driver-man clothes.  It was a fun coincidence.
I drove to Sparta, jumped in the car with friend, Cassie, and we headed west to Albert Lea to our pal, Josh’s, ordination.  I was able to catch up with my roommate, who also attended, and congratulate Josh.  Josh is called to a church in southwestern Minnesota – the synod I was in last year while intern in Dawson.  I caught up with the bishop from that synod, who was interested to know if I had a call yet.  If not, he said he was ready to snatch me up.  [Apparently both southern Minnesotan bishops fought for me in the draft.  ego boost]  Cassie and I returned to Sparta, and then I jumped back into my car and drove home, arriving on Aarback just after midnight.
It was a good church day.  I have an official job.  Josh was ordained.  Car time road trip with a seminary friend.  Waving distantly to old friends.  Tomorrow [technically today] will be a good day too.  Ordination announcements can officially go out and plans can begin to be made officially.  And then I’ll start crying because, for some reason, my ordination makes me super emotional.  More about that to come.

Today –

9 Jul

– and everyday –

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