crazy decoupage lady.

9 May
First, let me set the scene.  
There have been many reminders lately that I am indeed a single lady.  Here’s one.  I was setting up an online account and you know how you have to answer at least three security questions?  What street did you live on when you were 10?  What was the name of your first grade teacher?  Those kind of things.  They give you question options and you have to choose one to answer.  For this particular account, I had a hard time answering a question in each slot because over half of them dealt with a spouse.  Where was your spouse born?  What is your spouse’s mother’s name?  That was half the questions and another quarter seemed to be names of elementary school teachers.  I’ll be honest – I don’t remember.  *ahem*  Sears, not all of the people who hold one of your credit cards are married.  Take note.  [And if they are gay and live in North Carolina, they don’t even have that option.  Boo to that.] Be inclusive please.
Last night, as I stayed up much later than usual, a friend texts me.  This friend will remain anonymous unless she decides to out herself in the comment section, but know that we were seminary colleagues and we both be single.  You should also know that other seminary friends were making glorious wonderful announcements yesterday on facebook about babies [plural].  [And despite the self-deprecation that follows, we really are happy for all of them – really!]  I think we are the only two people in the world who aren’t pregnant and married right now.  Ugh.  she texts.  
My response: Seriously.  Everyone else is married or pregnant for sure.  And I just sit here decoupaging a lampshade like a spinster.  
I wasn’t lying.  It was 10:30 at night and I sat on my couch with a foam brush, an old book, and a lampshade.  Suddenly, I had visions of the future.  I’m going to be the spinster who decoupages everything.  Lampshades, furniture, picture frames, boxes, cats.  You name it, I’ll decoupage it.  I’ll decoupage the shit out of it.  You think, oh, you can’t decoupage this, and I’ll take it as a challenge.  You wanna bet? I’ll say.  I’ll carry travel sized bottles of mod-podge on my person at all times and take stock in the business that makes those crappy one-time use foam brushes.  Decoupage will be my medium of expressing my suppressed spinster feelings.
I digress.  I think we all would agree that my new lampshade looks awesome compared to the cheap-o silver/gray fluted one that came with the set of lamps.  Crazy decoupage lady or not, I like it.

One Response to “crazy decoupage lady.”

  1. cassination May 11, 2012 at 10:37 am #

    your friend sounds pathetic…(i bet she did send another text that did express excitement for all 13524124 married & pregnant people though).Have you thought about decoupaging photos to canvas? it gives them the 'printed on' look. (thanks pinterest)

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