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excitement. [updated]

19 Apr
I can’t help but be excited.  
I wrote a few weeks ago that I feel like I’m in a glass case of emotion.  Some days, I’m so ready to break free of this seminary institution; others, I don’t want to think about the inevitable departure.
Today I’m just excited about what is to come in the next few weeks.  Probably just as excited and giggly as this girl is to encounter a penguin.  [‘Hey, you penguin.  It’s too hot for you here.  I gotta send you back to the South Pole.’  Not an exact quote but, if you follow me in the slightest, you know where it comes from … name that movie for another ten points.  Remember, right now it’s Adam with 10 points and you with zero.  Here’s your chance!]  [Updated: Cassie for the win!  Check the comments for the answer.  And, yes, I think I am this excited!] Source: None via Lindsay on Pinterest

Frankly, I’m just giddy thinking about graduation.  The ceremony.  I’m excited to receive my master’s degree.  Rephrased: FREAKING excited.  You know, I’ve worked hard for this and it will feel great to have it completed and recognized in a graduation ceremony.  Hood me, por favor.
The night before graduation is baccalaureate.  [Try spelling that without the squiggly red line.  I fail every time.]  I’m pretty stoked that my mom and likely grandma and sister will be here for that occasion.  Prior to the worship service is a meet-and-greet with the CYF faculty/staff at Luther.  They want to meet my family.  And I want my family to meet them.  [I’ll be the first to admit I was pretty dumb my first two years at school.  I made little connection with the CYF team – the area of my concentration – and fellow CYF students.  Dumb.  Attempting to make up for that lack of awesome-ness this year.]
If we keep going backwards, the week and a half before the weekend of graduation is senior week.  I’m on the planning team for a week of events such as a possible dinner cruise, outdoor movie, and fun 5k.  For every minute that there isn’t a planned event, here’s hoping there will be impromptu and spontaneous hanging out and going out.  There will be no classes or papers; what else am I to do?  [Pack, says the logical part of the brain.  Nah, says the part that wants to have fun.]  
Before that, there will be the satisfaction of turning in final papers, attending final class periods, defending and turning in a thesis.  I feel ready for it.  Let’s do this thing.

proof that I play.

12 Apr
You guys know me, right?  I don’t think for one second you could be convinced that all I do is work with no play and thus am a dull boy like Jack.  Right?  Allow me to give you substantial evidence.
Maybe you’ll remember my posts about Kevin, aka Joel.  I’ve been hanging out with Joel and his Pinterest pinning wife, Melissa, a lot of late.  They’re a lot of fun.  Often, Joel will lean over in our 8am Friday morning class and ask me, “So what are we doing tonight?”  Then we make plans.  Last Friday, we went out for dinner at the Wild Onion on Grand and then they came over to play Just Dance on the Wii.  How intensely did we dance?  Just know this – Joel sweat on me.

The last two nights, we’ve been celebrating half birthdays – Melissa’s, Joel’s, and my roommate, Jeanette’s.  (Why? you ask.  Because the school year is drawing to a close and we will take any excuse to hang out together.  What better reason do we need than that?)  Thanks to a Groupon given to me by one friend James, we also ventured into south Minneapolis to the Pumphouse Creamery for organic, fair trade ice cream in interesting homemade cones.  [Ignore my horrid hair.  It was not a good day.]  Granite City last night, Cafe Latte tonight, and I promised my confirmation ladies a dinner out tomorrow night.  Ugh.  I need to eat at home one of these nights.
All work and no play make Lindsay a dull girl but a happy combination of the two make Lindsay a happy and accomplished girl.  I finally cleaned off my bed of clothes and this afternoon, soaking in the sun outside of Starbucks, I was quite productive. A couple one-page papers written and the finding of the perfect quote/chapter from a theologian that I needed to jump start my thesis.  Want to hear it?
Theologically, in the eyes of God you, the person, are worth 
more than anything you can ever achieve.  (James Loder)
Boom.  Done.  There’s my thesis.  [In relation to fourth and fifth graders.  With a little discourse on the effects of body image/bullying.  A bit of child development.  Some doctrine on creation.  And throw in a twist regarding creativity and imagination.]
Remember when we went to the library as little kids in elementary school and we had a three book limit?  I had to be strategic about that book limit as I pulled books from the shelves and dreamed about taking them home.  I always wished it was five books and not three.  It’s quite fortunate that the Luther Seminary library trusts students enough to not impose a limit of books that can be checked out.  Here’s the current stack, that seems to only grow by the day:

one with a LOTR reference.

10 Apr
thesis.*
I talked to Aunt Peggy tonight on the telephone.  We caught up on life details and as I told her about my ever-impending thesis, she interrupted me, “Lindsay, are you having any fun up there?”
Apparently, I had made my life seem filled with school assignments and future congregation processes.  [Ha.  Fooled her.]
I told her not to worry.  That I was probably having more fun than I should be, and that going out with friends or trying a new craft project usually topped homework on the list of things that actually get accomplished.
Because, she told me, you only have a few more weeks.
So true.  And I’m all emotionally jumbled about it.  [Maybe one could say I’m in a glass case of emotion?  Maybe?]
I spent the first two years of seminary making my way through but pretty much just looking to the future and being done.  I spent the latter part of my internship year wishing I didn’t have to come back to classes.  The first semester of this year was spent in a slight depression, wanting with my whole being to not be a student.  There are right around four weeks left of the semester.  Four weeks left of my four years of work in my master’s degree.  And now I kinda want them to slow down.
Because when these four weeks are over [and add another week and a half of “senior week” before graduation], I’ll be moving away from the cities.  For all practical reasons, I’ll be moving home-home after graduation, as every weekend of June is booked with fun family and friend events.  [See this not as complaining; I actually think it will be quite lovely to spend June in the country and preparing for party upon party.  It will be grand to have the windows open and hear only corn growing, not kids screaming.  As is what happens here.  All day long.  Since my apartment faces the parking lot.  Where the kids ride their bikes, play ball, and scream.  All day long.]  I’ve come to love all the cities has to offer and it’s been great to get out this past year and experience a lot of new things.  Last year, two weeks prior to the end of internship, I wrote this rant.  [And this one four weeks prior to that.]  I’m not quite to the point of ranting, but still think the ‘little sleep, much coffee’ attitude will begin now.  Or at least until this thesis is written.  Or tomorrow.  I’m sleepy now.
A fancy dinner party this Friday with friends. // Half-birthdays to celebrate. // Tandem bike riding and/or canoeing with dearest Sara. // Minnesota History Center in St.Paul.  [Anyone?] // A mosaic class, a letterpress class, and potentially a truffle making class. // A Southeastern MN synod assembly.  [Can I get a ‘woot’?!] // A thesis to write and the same thesis to defend. // A weekend home for Easter to make kinder eggs, maybe an adult egg hunt, and spring cake pops to create. // Thursdays out and about. // The normal load of reading and writing [which I’ve already confessed I do minimally – shh]. 

Perhaps I need to begin by cleaning my bedroom and finding my bed.  My mother will totally be embarrassed [but probably not surprised] by me posting this photo but let me relieve her of any blame – she did teach me better than this.  I’m simply being honest with you that my life is not perfect and that this is what happens when Lindsay can’t decide what to wear and when Lindsay is too lazy to hang things back up.  But trust me, the kitchen and bathroom are [nearly] always spotless.

* There is this scene in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, that has been playing through my head all day.  Galadriel, crazy elf woman, is narrating as we watch Frodo and Sam continue to travel towards Mordor.  She says something to the tune of this: “In his heart, Frodo begins to understand.  The quest will claim his life.”  Replace Frodo with Lindsay.  Quest with thesis.  Both his with her.  That, my friends, is how I feel after this weekend.  I’ll keep you posted on the progress.

the things I dream about.

31 Mar
Last week, I had this really wacky dream.  I was somehow cast to be the substitute on a hockey team.  [Note: I can’t skate even the tiniest bit.]  The game was in overtime [Is it even called overtime in hockey?  Hint at how little I know about this sport I play in my dreams.] and time is going in super slow motion.  As people skate about the rink, I think to myself, “Which goal is ours?  Did it switch?  I don’t remember …” as I search wildly for any kind of clues.  Suddenly – or as suddenly as things go in slow motion – the puck is in my possession.  *insert naughty word*  WHICH GOAL IS MY TEAM’S?  *insert naughty word*  I still don’t know so I take my best guess.  Naturally, I guessed wrong.  The team lost on my account.  I woke up feeling absolutely terrible and being reminded why I cannot bear to play competitive team sports; I fear I will let people down.  [Hello, Enneagram #2.]
While that is apparently what I dream of while wrapped in my warm quilts at night, not quite where I intend this blog post to dawdle.  [Unless you want to hear about my dream of yellow shoes made of jell-o.  That’s a classic.]  Here are the other things I dream of, while my eyes are still open –
A hammock between two trees.  Wherever I end up once my time is seminary is spent, may there be two trees close enough together to match the length of my Mexico hammock.  Please, God, please.  [I may need to invest in these to hang it more securely.  Right now, it’s always a guessing game of how quickly the hammock with drape to the-butt-touching-ground height with slippery rope.]
Time to get lost in a book.  [A friend posted this on facebook.  It is wonderfully written, and captures my childhood love affair with books; a love affair I hope to rekindle once not a full-time student.  If you’re a reader – or if you date one/are married to one, certainly click on over.]
That my thesis would write itself OR at least give me the time and energy to do so.
My future craft room.  Seriously.  

eHoly Harmony

24 Mar
If you’ve followed me along this far, you know that I graduate from seminary in May and have been assigned to serve my first call in the Southeastern Minnesota synod of Region 3.  As Margie, a resident at the care center where I completed Clinical Pastoral Education, always said in her rough, gravel tone, “Now what?”
Navigating the church and call world can be foreign to many people.  I’ll be the first to admit that it was extremely new and unclear to me until I was in seminary.  [Even now, I don’t know all the inner and outer workings of the process.]  I’m assigned.  [Like homework?]  I have a call.  [Call?  Like the person who holds up their ringing cell and say, “I’m going to take this call”?  Nope.  Not really.]  I serve and am strongly advised – barring any unforeseen tragedy – that I stay for at least three years.  The process is unlike most professions.  
I’ll translate.
I filled out my [dating] profile in early December.  This paperwork contained my likes and dislikes, and what I’m looking for in a church [partner].  I submitted this information to the greater church, ie the matchmakers.  [I wish I could add sound effects here.  Create your own; along the lines of foreboding or magical is your choice.  I suppose that depends if you trust the process or not.]
Likewise, churches – when they are [hopefully] emotionally stable and ready to move on from their last relationship [their last pastor and typically after a period of interim] – create their own [dating] profile.  In this paperwork, they provide their hopes and dreams for the future, and whether or not children are in the plans.  [Aging congregation or vital new families?  More baptisms or funerals?]
The matchmakers at the synod office see who is available and play around with the couples that they think will work together well.  They take into account age, gender, and whether or not one half of the couple is willing to relocate [typically the pastor].  Does the potential couple complement each other?  If the church cooks, will the pastor do the dishes?  Who is expected to be responsible for taking the garbage out?  How will the children be bathed – by water and the spirit?
Using their special formula and taking into account the 7×7 degrees of holy compatibility, the synod [matchmakers] couple pastors and churches together.  The courting begins.
In our day and age, the church makes the first move.  Usually by phone call, they ask the potential pastor for an interview [a date].  From here, the lines blur.  Both parties are extremely nervous about the first meeting and sweaty palms are shook.  Each learns more about the other, asking questions and using their gut to decide if this pastor/church “is the one.”  The Holy Spirit plays his role, as always, like the cupid always around the corner; leading, guiding, and shooting arrows working God’s will in the world.

Both parties must agree that a relationship is possible and dream that – dare I say? – there could be love in the future.  [Or, if not love, a promise to work with and for the best of the other.]  A second date may be requested before any decision can be made.  Meanwhile, each party does their best to show their prime side and foremost qualities to the other.  To seal the deal – if the courting has gone well thus far – a kiss contract is signed, vows given and rings exchanged.  
Just because the matchmakers have put this pair together doesn’t mean it always works out.  It’s important that honesty and faith are shared and shown, but if these don’t match up, one side or the other may offer a rejection.  [I’m uncertain if this hurts more or less than other guy rejection; here’s hoping it may not reach a case study comparison.]  But, all in all, the matchmakers typically do a pretty great job matching the couple.  Let the courting begin.  I’m ready for a relationship of commitment with a congregation of three hundred people and a large building.  Here we go.
[Here’s hoping I’m actually better at this kind of dating than the kind with boyfriends.  I’m terribly awkward on first dates and to move past that point is strange and unusual. I pray that’s not my fate in courting a congregation. I look forward to finding one to dream with and to accompany each other in knowing and sharing God’s love and grace. I know they’re out there, somewhere in southeastern Minnesota. Somewhere.] *cue cheesy music*

Caution: God at work.

23 Mar

He probably wasn’t wearing a bright orange construction vest,
 but where did you see God today?

The human missionary task is to give visibility to the Divine work in the midst of our daily existence.

[Henri Nouwen]
…

Midterms.  Five to seven pages on my missional theology of faith formation.

Did mission trips and service projects shape your faith?
[If you comment and let me know, that would be fun.
Fun for the sake of fun and not to be used in my paper.  I promise.]

Buckets of concrete to roof houses; Jackson is hard at work. [Mexico Mission ’08]

what up, wednesday.

16 Mar
As Seinfield was a show about nothing, thus is this blog post.  [I never really got into Seinfield; I didn’t really understand it.  Bet you have real high hopes for this post now, eh?  Not.]  I think I’ll talk about the good things of today, I thought as I walked up to campus for a meeting.  I wanted alliteration in the title (always good) but ‘wonderful wednesday’ was a little too rainbows and gumdrops for my taste.  So I go gangster on you instead.  [Right, you think.  Lindsay?  Gangster?  Synonymous with DON’T GO TOGETHER.]
what up, wednesday. *head tilts back in oh-so-cool acknowledgement*
What’s up today?
A date [okay, appointment] with Brentt, my hair stylist;  
AND lunch out with Katja, M.’s mom;
AND plans to spend lots of time crafting with M. next week while she’s on spring break;  
AND a new-to-me fondue pot, courtesy of Katja; 
AND the watching of last night’s Glee, which I really appreciated and enjoyed;
AND p. 12 of the Concord, Luther Seminary’s student paper; 
[Who’s that girl with the snarky look?  Yup.]
AND a meeting about my children, youth, and family thesis, which I’m now totally excited to write;  
[Who’s the crazy lady who likes to write papers?  Yup.]
AND it was sunny and nearly fifty and I wore flip flops;
AND stopping at Starbucks to chat with friend, Cassie, while my eyes were dilated after an eye exam;
AND time to quilt tonight;
AND should I keep going?
What’s on your what up, wednesday list?  
I hope you can mentally make a list like this for your own day.  It’s not to say that your whole day has to be peaches and ice cream; mine wasn’t.  [And peaches and ice cream?  Why would I use such a comparison?  Ack.  No thanks.]  I could have told you how I shelled out lots of money for an eye exam and contacts on top of it.  I might have mentioned the load of midterms I feel weighing upon me.  I could have talked about any number of things that didn’t go spectacularly on this day like the matching blisters on each of my pinky toes due to a pair of shoes.  
But eh.  Why focus my energy there?  Not today.  Not worth it.  Instead –
Source: google.com via Hana on Pinterest

[Easier said than done.  But let’s give it a try.]

steeples & stilettos.

13 Mar
Once upon a time, there was a new blog.
This blog was written by three beautiful ladies.  All in their twenties, these gals were studying to be pastors, a profession most typically associated and dominated by the male sex.  Men.  And – truth be told – old men at that.  Obstacles, questions, and musings resulted as they confronted, negotiated, and played the system, aka ‘the man.’  The system of seminary, the musings on being young leaders, the questions of being fashionable in church leadership.  [Yes.  It is possible.]
Big questions.  What does it mean to be female and a pastor?  What will it mean to be a young female leader when a church – unintentionally out of necessity – requires that you fear not bats and their inevitable reign in the education wing hallway?  How high of heels is too high when leading worship?
The three beautiful ladies sought to answer these questions, to share fashion fascinations, and to talk about life in general.  A new blog was born.  [Plus there was that whole class project assignment that needed to be fulfilled …]
Megan, Cassie, and I are just starting out at Steeples & Stilettos.  The site was launched on Friday with introductions and the beginnings of what will be.  It will be ever-changing and we hope to keep it going with our life thoughts and church experiences long after we graduate.  

Ten things I’ve learned this semester:

13 Mar
[I hope you’re not expecting academic or theological revelations.  You probably should read a different blog if that’s something you crave …]

1.  Margarita salt is essential on rim of said drink’s glass.  [I’ve thought otherwise until recently.  But this also isn’t to say that I drink these daily.  Or weekly.  Simply occasionally.]

2.  Reading for class really is optional, even if the professor says otherwise.  [Ask nearly any of my senior classmates about the amount of reading they do.  Seriously.]
3.  One box cake mix will yield 35-38 cakepops with the large Pampered Chef cookie scoop.  Recent experiments look promising with use of small Pampered Chef cookie scoop.  Yield average pending.
4.  Happy hours on Thursday evenings highlight one’s week.
5.  I’d rather clean than do schoolwork.
6.  Dogs are expensive.  [Learned in research of labradoodle and goldendoodle puppies.  I want one when I get my first call.]
7.  Professors are people too.  [I’ve gotten to know many professors this year beyond the typical student/professor interaction.  It’s been enjoyable.]
8.  An occasional Saturday night of quilting and watching Lord of the Rings is not at all overrated but rather necessary and lovely.
9.  An iPhone is a regular treat, especially using the Carcassonne app to play the really nerdy game with my friend, James, while he’s on internship in SD.
10.  Watering an indoor plant using an ice cube will prevent that sudden rush of water from the bottom of the pot, as the ice cube will melt and gradually soak in, a trick I use with this guy to the left.  [I haven’t killed it off [yet], Karen!]  

fashion modeling.

8 Mar
There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed with ideas and stories to tell you, with pictures to paint with words.  
Today is one of these days.  
In such a good way.
But I try and pace myself.  As much as I feel overwhelmed with words, I don’t want to overwhelm you.  We’ll start slowly.  Here.
I want to tell you how I suddenly feel such a great part of this community at seminary.  I’ve honestly never really felt like I’ve belonged here … I’ve treaded water trying to find my place.  People use a lot of big words I don’t understand.  Sometimes, I don’t get the religious jokes and I feel too … not church nerdy? … to belong.  Most of the time, I seem to worry more about how other people are perceiving me than simply being myself.
I’ve reached a place where I feel like I belong.  I feel wonderful being a part of this community and I feel like I’m a part of this community while being myself and not someone else.  [Just as I’m about to graduate and leave, she yells and stomps her foot.]
Tonight was the Luther Seminary Variety Show.  [As a professor noted in an email to a friend, you’ll notice it’s called a ‘variety show.’  Not ‘talent show.’]  Always held on Fat Tuesday and preceded by a community meal and silent auction, it’s one night when students and professors alike turn out to laugh and celebrate our community.  I love seeing the professors and seminary staff members present with their spouses and kids.
Of the three variety shows I have been present for in my years here, this was the first one in which I was involved.  
As a fashion model.  
Come again, you say.
My pal, Cassie, is the talent behind this fashion show, writing the script that pushes and teases at seminary student types, and gathering the models and needed costumes.  My role?  I played the ‘fFU.’  The fresh from undergrad seminary student.  This typical student is one who wears the sweatshirt of their college and flipflops, carrying a backpack and acting a bit aloof.  [Video of this event does exist and I will share once the link is posted so you can watch me in my runway debut.]
The variety show pokes polite fun at students, professors, and the systems we go through.  Norwegian sweaters also had their fair share of mention tonight.  There are many-a-professor here at Luther who wear a Norwegian sweater daily.  It’s. awesome.  Equally – or even more – awesome?  My pal, Kevin [whose real name is Joel], wrote and rapped a song about the sweater tonight.  He continues to amaze me.
There is some awesome talent at seminary, beyond the preaching and teaching confirmation.  Erm, I mean variety.  There is some awesome variety at seminary.  And I’m glad to be a part of it all.
An aside story: I donated two dozen cakepops to the silent auction.  The rule was that I bring a display of cakepops and then take a special order from the winning party.  Since the cakepops were near the “Wine tasting for 12 with Karoline Lewis” auction item – which my friends and I bid on, watched like hawks, and then won – I was able to watch the bidding.  I watched Professor Schifferdecker’s kids eye up the cakepops, her youngest grabbing and wanting one.  Once the bidding was over [the winning cakepops to be made and delivered to Karoline for her boys who have tasted their goodness and wanted them badly – this might make cousin, Hannah, jealous], I took the display.  I passed Professor Schifferdecker on the way with her three kids and offered each of them one.  They were super excited, so much so that her eldest daughter threw her arms around me and said, “You’re the best!”  
Hugs from kids are great.  It was the best.
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