#panic.

14 Aug
Panic is planning a day camp at Red Oak Grove kinda last minute but not really planning any of it because as of Sunday, only three kids had signed up.  [Five was the magic number to go forward with the camp.  I wasn’t going to plan it if it wasn’t going to even happen, and for a church that doesn’t participate in VBS – though invited – I doubted it would even go forward.]
Panic is having sixteen kids on the signup sheet by Monday evening.
Panic is having to find adult help, go shopping, and schedule the day [which is tomorrow] of games, snacks, and crafts all today.
As I read what I’ve written, perhaps panic is instead irresponsibility.  My bad.
But the first annual day of camp at Red Oak Grove tomorrow will be awesome even if I have to work through the night to get everything together!

boring.

13 Aug
Sometimes I worry I’m boring.
I used to be fun but the pastor has taken all the excitement out of me.
Case in point: yesterday, Mabel and I drove to see gal pal, Sara in Chaska.  Sara and I first got to know each other working at Trinity in Stillwater and then we actually lived together for a summer in Stilly.  We would have laugh riots together.  We would do crazy things and have complicated awesome inside jokes.  Yesterday, there was a lack of laugh riots.  Not so much crazy except when a dog and a puppy get to playing.  Things were pretty subdued over dinner and Diet Coke.  I don’t blame Sara.  I blame me.  
In fact, sometimes I bore myself.
Bore, bore, bore.
[she says as she watches her cheesy australian soap, figures the mathematics of quilt tops in her head, and plans on being in bed by 11.]

neglect.

12 Aug
Neglect is what I’ve done to this blog.

I’m still here.  I haven’t been around much because I’ve been off with friends.  [a very good reason to neglect the blog in my world.]  Thursday night was dinner and catching up with my local family.*  Friday was dinner out with Paige and a little antiquing.  Saturday night was attending a wedding at ROG [which I did not officiate] and having Dawson penpal, Carter, stay the night with his family.
Lots of friend time.  Lots of busy socializing time.  Lots of this-makes-Lindsay-happy time.
And now today, I think Mabel and I are going for a ride to friend, Sara’s, house to meet her new puppy.    I’m taking a little post-liturgical breather and we’ll load up and head for the south-west edge of the Cities shortly.  Life is crazy but good crazy.  
* We laughed a ridiculous amount on Thursday night.  What did we laugh at?  This website [specifically attractive to my fellow pastors] and this video [potentially offensive in language to some].  There were tears.  It was wonderful.

saturday soliloquy.

4 Aug
Windows are open.  Breeze is blowing.  Life is good.
I wish I could bottle the feeling one gets after exercise.  I feel one-hundred-million-twenty-seven-thousand-and-seventy times better afterwards.  [If you’re keeping track, that’s a lot.]
I finished a quilt top this morning.  Onto a second matchy-matchy one later tonight.  Subtly and not so subtly, one could say they will be like twins … perhaps like their future babies …
This is my absolute current favorite.  Zucchini squash oven roasted.  It’s nearly an every night staple for me.  Throw in some sweet potatoes or some broccoli and I am set for dinner.
I spread grass seed and filled my water softener with salt this afternoon.  I cleaned a clogged shower drain yesterday.  It was gross but I feel very domesticated and home-owner-like.  
Have you checked out Steeples and Stilettos lately?  I’ve been a terribly horrible blog partner but Megan has been posting some really great stuff.  
I’m almost done with my sermon and it’s not even 6pm.  [Who am I?]
I have three weeks of vacation to take before the year is done.  Where should I go and what should I do?  Maybe visit you?  I welcome suggestions.
Mabel and her large mouth says hello.

To Linsay. From Gpa.

3 Aug
I don’t want to be that person but I would just like to say that if my Grandpa Sid were to enter a cute grandpa contest – is there such a thing? – he would probably win.  Or at least medal.  For example –
He came to visit me in Austin with my Aunt Peggy at the end of June.  He met Marilyn in the office and after he left, she told me, “What a cute grandpa.  You tell him that.”  I told this story to Aunt Peggy and she reminded me of a story from years ago.  Grandpa had been in the hospital for many weeks with pneumonia and the day he was released, a nurse came to say goodbye.  She was off-duty.  And she brought her family.  To meet Geeps before he left because he is so cute.  He woos his nurses and not intentionally; he’s just that cute and smiley and soft-spoken.  I met his hospice nurse while I was home this past week; she left and said, “I just love coming to visit you, Sid.  You are so sweet.”  Bottom line: he’s cute.
Cuteness amplified is how he has always spelled my name wrong.  For as long as I remember, birthday cards, Christmas mail, and anything I received from Geeps that he has made [a spice rack lazy susan, a coat rack, a toolbox] has my name written as Linsay.  It’s cool.  The d is kinda silent when you say it.  He has phonetics on his side.  [Even if you disagree, don’t argue.  It’s cute.]
When I was home to see him this past week, I was instructed to pick out a birdhouse.  Grandpa is handy and always creating, whether something from scratch in the work space in his garage or refurbishing a gas pump.  In the last years, he has made numerous bird houses with all sorts of widgets and gadgets on them.  They’re really quite funky and awesome.  I chose one made from barn board, and one with things like a pocket watch, a toy tractor, and pocket knives attached to the sides.  I will treasure it.
Before I left with the birdhouse, I asked Geeps to write on the bottom of it.  His signature “To Linsay.  From Gpa Sid.” with the date in his scripted cursive writing.  He’s so dang cute.  Overalls and all.

On a day like this – part two.

2 Aug
Today was a pretty awesome day.
Honestly, likely the best work day I’ve had in weeks.  Maybe months.
I feel a little guilty that this best-day-ever wasn’t spent visiting the elders of the congregations.  It wasn’t spent in worship with the members of Red Oak Grove.  It wasn’t even spent in conversation with anyone in the congregation.  But it was a necessary ministry day of big picture thinking.
It was a confirmation planning day with my imaginary coworkers, jD and Laura.  [Imaginary in that they are not technically my coworkers, wish as I may.  Not imaginary as in I made them up and talked to the wall all day.]  jD and I met at Red Oak Grove and skyped with Laura, a pastor in Hutchinson.  In a morning, we planned confirmation for the 2012 – 2013 school year and it will be super great.  I even ordered the curriculum today.  [A season of Freaks and Geeks.  That’s right –  you’re curious.  Too bad I can take absolutely no credit for the idea.]
Laura had to depart after the noon hour [I hear she was off to a meeting with you, Pastor Lori!] but jD and I continued our staff meeting over lunch at Applebee’s.  Another goal of ours is a joint confirmation retreat to kick off the year.  Schedule planned.  Details on paper.  Calendars filled out.  Super productive.
This isn’t the first time a day of planning has been a highlight.  Check out this post, a blast from the past of over two years ago.  I just get giddy with excitement about long-term planning with other people who are also excited about ministry possibilities. 
Right.  So let’s think about why this call might not be a great fit in the long run for Pastor Lindsay … but for now, here’s to continuing big picture thinking and making time for visioning with adjunct staff.  PL needs that.

cousin connor.

1 Aug
I went to my Wisconsin home.

And now I’ve come back.
I said goodbye to cousin Connor as he departs this coming weekend for a semester [or perhaps even a year] in Ghana.  Connor, my birthday cousin, loves chocolate cakepops.  In honor of his awesomeness, I made him a set of cakepops meant to resemble the flag of Ghana.  
I walk up the driveway with the pan of cakepops and show Connor.  Look, it’s the flag of Ghana!
Is it? asks Connor.
Seems he would have been happy with just a bunch of pops in a bag.
It will be so strange for him to be gone for so many months, or even potentially a year.  He’s my Thanksgiving bake-off buddy and the one with whom I share my December 8th birthday.  He’s pretty fun too.  We went to a movie together while I was home [along with two more cousins and a sister] and I just enjoy him.
He’s a pretty great kid.  He’s one who was freaked beyond belief that I was going to spend three weeks in Tanzania, only to follow me to Africa for three summers in Kenya.  He’s made some great connections in Kenya and has actually started an organization to help people in Africa.  Check it out and if you have any old cell phones to donate, let me know and I can get them to the right place.

Friday night.

27 Jul
A high school classmate of mine posted a photo on facebook earlier today.  It was a photo of a beer next to cleaning supplies.  The caption?  An ice cold Corona with lime + cleaning supplies = single girl Friday night.

Here’s my version:
Red wine + new fabric + cakepops = single girl Friday night.

What’s your Friday night equation?


housekeeping: a life update.

26 Jul
Just a few things I feel like sharing:
Dear Grandpa Sid [affectionately referred to as geeps or popsicle] had a minor heart attack a couple weeks ago.  He is at home and feeling better [from what I’m told].  Hospice care is on call and helping out as needed.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
An article on why it is hard for young adults to make and retain significant friendships.  I can relate. [Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?]
I’m ready for a new quilt project.  I’m going to slowly but surely tackle this scrappy one.  And a quilt shop is in the plans for tomorrow after the monthly horror of Lindsay attending the local care center board meeting.  [danger.  danger.]
I’m going home following worship on Sunday.  It has been well over half a year since I’ve been home.  Over half a year.  How can that even be?  [oh.  that’s right.  life is crazy.  that’s why.]  It’s a trip to see family, see friends, meet a new baby, say farewell to cousin, Connor, as he leaves to study abroad in Ghana, and hang out with as many lovely people as possible.  I’m looking forward to it.
In honor of Connor and his departure to study abroad, there is a party on Sunday night.  I’ll be the one bringing cakepops that look like the flag of Ghana.  The cakes are in the oven right now; wish me luck.
Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal.  Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal.  [I need the reminder.]  Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal. 
It’s been a rough week.  [see previous post.]   With all of the people time from last week, I could go a week and a half in solitude and still not have recovered.  Alas, there were members in Rochester I had to visit.  I dragged my feet but, truth is, once I was there, in the hospital room, I was glad I had went.  One of the people I visited was a dear older woman who was actually our pulpit supply last Sunday while I was gone.  She’s done it before many times.  Well, she had a minor heart attack Sunday night due to stress.  shit.  Me, asking her to preach, caused her a portion of that stress and thus indirectly was a cause of her heart attack.  She told me not to worry but you know me.  I worry and feel terrible.  shit.  Great job, Pastor Lindsay.
As I left the office to drive to Rochester, administrative assistant Marilyn – dear Marilyn – told me to treat myself.  It had been a hard week.  Go to Panera, she said.  Get good coffee, she suggested.  Treat yourself.  I did.  I went to Trader Joe’s and bought a bottle of $4 wine to which I will now return.
As you were.

angry fist shake.

25 Jul
Sometimes I feel like shaking my angry fist and yelling with such indignation,
Curse you, introspective, processing mind and truth-telling friends!*
Don’t we all?
I’ve had one of those days.  I still haven’t recovered from a sleep-deprived week in NOLA.  I’m overwhelmed at work.  I hate that while I normally say, “We should do that this summer when we have more time!,” I now find myself saying, “We should have more time come fall.  Let’s do that then.”   [which is a lie.  we all know fall won’t be any slower.] Work is busy and right now seems all about budgets and writing job descriptions and administration; things I know absolutely nothing about.  I feel inadequate to do my job.
Twice today, amid tales of my day and how I feel dumb and inadequate and unable, I had friends tell me to go easy on myself.  To cut my own self a break.  I am the worst negative self-talker in all the world [or at least one of them].  What happened to the Lindsay with self-confidence, positivity [which, ironically, is one of my StrengthsFinder themes], and optimism?  I’m not sure where she has gone but I should probably find her.  It would be great if she would return.  Until then, I’ll shake my angry fist at the knowledge of what’s wrong and my current inability to know how to change it.  I’ll work on it.
At least it was a good hair day.  Had that going for me.
* but I’m thankful for truth-telling friends and a certain self-awareness.
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