shut the front door –

3 Jul
It’s July.
When did that happen?  [aka when the f* did we get ice cream? right, Joe, Amanda, Sara, and everyone else with whom we have that inside joke?  right?!]
I’m totally bummed and excited that it’s July.
First, I’m bummed.  Summer is, like, half over and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.  Summer makes claims that it is less busy and things slow down.  Summer lies.  While I feel that has happened a bit, it’s been forced.  I’ve forced myself to try and stick to forty hours a week and two full days off, but there is still much to do and plan and evaluate in the church.  And summer masquerades as this season to do fun things and hang out with friends.  While I did fun things and hung out with friends on vacation in the first week in June, since then I’ve been pretty boring with no friends.  [That’s not completely true.  But I need to do more.  And find more friends.]  I need to put another vacation on the calendar.
While I’m bummed, I’m also excited.  July is the month of the national youth gathering in New Orleans.  I’m heading down on the 16th with five youth from Red Oak Grove [along with 30,000 other Lutheran youth and chaperones] and it should be a great time [though also hot and steamy and exhausting].  A dear old seminary friend is coming to visit right before the trip departure and I look forward to reconnecting with him.  But, then, uh … I realize the excitement runs out.  Quick!  I need more to be excited about …
Maybe blocking out a train trip to Montana in January to visit a couple new baby girls?  Maybe a plane ride to Texas to see Joe and Amanda?  Maybe taking a horseback riding community education class?  [Okay.  I’ll be honest.  That’s more fear than excitement but something I feel I should try again.]  Maybe a Canadian cruise with Paige?  [Notice how all excitement revolves around travel and friends.  huh.]  Maybe …

a weekend away.

30 Jun
I ran away from Red Oak Grove this weekend.  I ran away to Stillwater.  Mabel came too.  She stayed at a kennel and made many new friends.

It wasn’t an impromptu decision – a girls’ weekend had been on the calendar for many weeks.  Karen, Jenna, and I had plans to go out to eat, explore fun places in the cities, and shop.  Check, check, and check.

I was greeted at the Gieseke B&B by my very own olives.
Karen and I met Jenna at the seminary and I ran into a couple old friends.  [Adam!  So good to see you!]  We went to a giant fabric outlet warehouse and ate at Big Bowl [one of my favorites].  We saw a movie and settled in for the night.  Then today there was a trip to Hunt and Gather, a fabric shop, and an estate sale.  It’s like all of Lindsay’s favorite things crammed into one day!  I bought a crazy yellow wire thing on wheels [how’s that for a description], a really great Spanish bull fighting velvet print [which I bought for the frame and the frame only], and some polka dotted fabric from the outlet warehouse.  It was great fun and full of wonderful, caring conversation.  I’m sad to be back at the parsonage, with Sunday morning looming over my head, but such is life.  boo.
But a small taste of Hunt and Gather.
Babies, anyone?

I wanted every single one of these.  Love me some polka dots.

sabbath thoughts.

28 Jun
I can’t say it any better than Wayne Muller himself so let’s have ourselves a quote party.  But shhh.  It’s a quiet party.  [Comic Sans is not invited.  He’s mean and swears a lot.  But this link is pretty darn funny if you like typography humor and don’t mind cursing.  Thanks to jD for making me aware of the awesome it is.] 

All Jesus’ teaching seems to hinge on this singular truth concerning the nature of life: It is all right.  Do not worry about tomorrow.  I have come that you might have life abundantly.  Be not afraid.  Over and over, in parable, story, and example, he insists that regardless how it goes for us, we are cared for, we are safe, we are all right.  There is a light of the world, a kingdom of heaven inside us that will bear us up, regardless of our sorrow, fear, or loss.  Do not wait to enjoy the harvest of your life; you are already blessed.  The kingdom of God is already here.  It is within you and among you.  [p. 43]

Sabbath implies a willingness to be surprised by unexpected grace, to partake of those potent moments when creation renews itself, when what is finished inevitably recedes, and the sacred forces of healing astonish us with the unending promise of love and life.  [p. 37]

Sabbath challenges the theology of progress by reminding us that we are already and always on sacred ground.  The gifts of grace and delight are present and abundant; the time to live and love and give thanks and rest and delight is now, this moment, this day.  Feel what heaven is life; have a taste of eternity.  Rest in the arms of the divine.  We do not have miles to go before we sleep.  The time to sleep, to rest, is now.  We are already home.  [p. 78] 

garden remix.

26 Jun
one of the two big blue pots on either side of the front garden.
It’s a bit delayed in sharing but my mum was around last weekend and we had one goal: to make the parsonage gardens bee-u-tiful.  It was a lofty goal for two days – the gardens were a wretched mess because I couldn’t even differentiate what was a plant and what was a weed.  I called in the right person for the job and after five stores, a truckload of mulch, and long days, it came together.  We added some new plants, moved some others around, and Pastor Lindsay bought a bird bath.  The final product is quite lovely, wouldn’t you say?

Front garden:

before.

after. [with two blue pots on either side, just on the outside of the photo.]

 Corner garden:

a corner garden with two new pots.

 Back garden:

before.

after.
Not pictured is the small bed we [read: Leanne] dug around the mailbox for a couple hostas and stone. There is still work to do – a little mulching around the garage and maybe edging out a bush.  All in good time as Lindsay gets the nerve and time to dig in.  This parsonage’s landscaping is well on its way to being top notch. 

I goofed.

26 Jun
I’m still kinda crabby but it’s my fault.
I’m crabby because I messed up.  I messed up and I shouldn’t have.
You see, Red Oak Grove leadership was invited to a stewardship meeting with the synod staff.  They were going to be at three different locations on three different days; we could call and sign up for a time slot.  Great.  I did this.
And then I went on vacation without ever writing the date and time on my calendar. 
Last Wednesday, when I was at The Sound of Music, I should have been talking about mission and stewardship with the Bishop in Albert Lea.  Shit.  I’m learning that my calendar is my life; if it’s not written down, it doesn’t get done.
I only remembered yesterday when my memory was jogged by reading a certain Scripture text.  
I emailed the synod staff and apologized.  
I felt like an idiot.
What a healthy reminder that I’m not perfect.  I goof up and I forget things.  Perhaps also a needed reminder that I can’t do it all.  My council president was also invited to go; in fact, she received the letter in the mail about it, not me.  I could have said, here, Karen, if you could set it up and invite people to go, that would be great.  But I, instead, and like I always do, said that I would take care of it.  I want to help everyone else out.  I don’t want to put anyone out.  But the thing is I say I’ll do things and then things get overwhelming and then I forget things.
Through my own disappointment in standing the bishop up, I told a few people and all I really wanted to hear in response was, it’s okay.  We all goof up.  But it seemed nearly every reaction I got made me feel even worse for f’ing up.  Oh, well.  Me, writing this, is admitting it and moving on.  Sinking feeling in stomach, you may leave now.  [please?]
It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last time that I forget a meeting or overlook a commitment.  This pastor isn’t perfect.  Thank goodness I’m in the right business for some forgiveness.  

links for a crabby monday.

25 Jun
I’m terribly crabby today.  Stay away.  Seriously – that’s your warning.
I think it’s because I’m at work [… and blogging.  opps.] and not outside in this beautiful weather.  It might be because I started work at 7:30 yesterday morning and didn’t get done until 8 last night [with a little time for a nap in between].  Needless to say, today is a catch-up and work-ahead office day in my jeans and tshirt.  And I might leave mid-afternoon.  [Shh.]  I need to be outside today before the heat arrives and makes me glisten.  [I had a conversation post-church yesterday with three women.  They decided that women don’t sweat.  They glisten.]
Thus, instead of subjecting you to crabbiness [no one wants that], I give you links.  Huzzah!
My pastor colleague, Emily, writes a column in the Rochester newspaper each week.  I give this one a hearty AMEN.
This is a real thing and I want to go to there.  It’s on my calendar.  Now I just need friends to go with … hint, hint.
I’m so intrigued.  D. Lose knows how to make a girl think.  And how to make her add books to her reading list.
We’re making these to take to New Orleans with us for the youth gathering.  I think it will be a great experience to hand them out to those who are homeless as we encounter them in our time there.
This sounds delicious.  I’ve been on a zucchini kick lately.
Okay.  I’m done.  Back to being crabby at my desk.  I hope your Monday is non-crabby and awesome!

[summer list.]

23 Jun
I know this summer will speed on by; it always does.

Heck, June is almost over as it is! In the hustle and bustle, I’m attempting to make the most of it.

That means it’s list time, people.  And it’s all about rest, rediscovery, and joy.

. I have a state park pass in my window.  I shall use it.  Mabel and I can go hiking.  [We were going to explore Myre Big Island State Park this morning but then it was overcast with rain.  Another time soon.]
. Screw makeup.  I’m hiding away all my eyeshadows and eyeliners and bronzers and everything else.  Why do I spend time doing all that?  [I will still put on a protective layer of foundation.  It has sunscreen in it, people.  And maybe a little mascara.]  On a similar note, find the easiest, low maintenance hair style ever.  I think my haircut on Friday may have helped in this department.  [Short in the back!]
. Perfect the overnight refrigerator oatmeal breakfast.  Six individual servings in canning jars in the fridge now.  With strawberries!  [Old fashioned oats.  Almond milk.  Strawberries.  That’s it.]
. Drink water, drink water, drink water.  And iced coffee.
. Always be crafty and re-inventive.  Some things need new life.  [I spray painted a file cabinet today – avocado green with hopeful gray chevron drawers to be yet achieved and fabric yet to be found.]
. Sermons written by Thursday.  [I know.  I say that all the time but this time, there is motivation.  Paige made a bet with the devil and I hope to help her lose.  Two week success so far and it’s such a joy to not be writing on Saturday night.]

. Find and embrace Sabbath time.  We all need that.  Often more than we even know until we take it.

. Get out of town!  Opportunities for this and places tbd.  [With the exception of Stillwater next weekend already on the calendar.  Gieseke B&B bound!]

. Find myself in a canoe or kayak on the water as often as time will allow.  [Finding a man with a Subaru Outback and two kayaks strapped to the top would be a great alternative to this, but I’m not holding my breath.]

. Learn to let things be.  I’m pulling back on pushing certain church work things through … maybe they just need to be instead of pushed.  There are other things on which I can spend my time.

. Read.  I already feel this being a huge stress relief at work, as I made time each day this past week.

There’s more.  There’s always more.  But this is a good place to begin.

I’ll keep you posted [as always].

self-care things.

22 Jun

best best best friend.

21 Jun
I had dinner plans again tonight.  
Last night it was with a group of women in their 60s and 70s.  
Tonight it was with a 6 year old.
If you look way back into the blog archives, you’ll find stories about my Dawson friend, Carter.  Carter was right around 4 when I was the intern at Grace and we struck up a friendship.  His parents were lovely enough to invite me over for dinners and play time throughout my year there.  [Mmm, salmon loaf.]  Luck would have it that Carter’s grandma and grandpa are my neighbors while I’m here at Red Oak Grove!  They live just down the road and since Carter is staying with them this week, they invited me over for dinner.  And legos. 
Carter was super excited to have me come over.  When I responded to the message they left me a few days ago, Carter was jumping up and down on the other end of the phone line.  I have to admit – I was pretty excited too.  We had fun!
I knocked on the door and I could hear him bounce down the stairs.  He swung open the door and gave me a giant hug.  We went on a gator ride and explored the farm.  We played legos and ate homemade pizza and talked about how crazy Pastor Kendall is.  Carter and I explored outside in corn fields and groves of trees.
We even formed a club.  It actually started like this –
I have a club, Carter said.  But you can’t be in it.
He then told me a little bit about his club and his friends in it.  I couldn’t be in it because I don’t live in Dawson.  But don’t worry – then we formed another club and we spent an hour dreaming about what the club would be about.  
You see, the club’s purpose was to collect sticks.  There was a special tree where we would collect them, and another special tree whose bark we would use to write secret club notes.  The club would be mostly for him and his cousins, but I could be an exception.  It would be called the fire club and the process of it all reminded me how fun imagination is.  It was super just to be outside exploring with this creative six year old, making stuff up as we went.  

I might have stayed a bit late because we were having so much fun and that might have led to Carter staying up a little past his bedtime.  I told Carter he could just blame me if his parents found out [Hi, Aaron and Sabrina.  Hope your cruise was awesome!  Don’t hate me for depriving your child of sleep!]  to which Carter said, No!  I would never blame you because you’re my best best best friend.
Aww, shucks.  Here’s to a fun and imaginative Thursday night with my best best best friend.

reassurance.

21 Jun
First, a little background info.  Pastors often attend weekly text study, a time when a group of pastors gather to discuss the texts for the upcoming Sunday and talk about preaching topics.  I used to go to text study in Austin but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable in the group.  [They would often call me out.  Lindsay, what do you think?  If you know me, you know the anxiety being put on the spot causes me.]  The conversation came up at our Blooming Prairie ministerium meeting and the two pastors at the Lutheran church in Blooming, jD, and I decided to try our own text study.  We met for the first time this past Tuesday.
Today, I was at a meeting in Waseca about the monkey business that is confirmation.  At my table was Pastor Charlie, one of the pastors in Blooming.  Our conversation went something like this over lunch:
Charlie: What did you think about our first text study?
Lindsay:  I enjoyed it.  I think we have a good rhythm to our group.
Charlie: I agree.  I think it will be good.  I have a feeling Heidi and jD will be the more talkative ones of the group.  I usually stay pretty quiet, much like yourself.
Lindsay: Yeah, you won’t hear me speak up too much.  But I feel more comfortable to contribute in this group than I did in my former text study.
Charlie: Speaking in a group has always been hard for me.  I’m always worried I’ll say the wrong thing or say something that doesn’t need to be said.
Lindsay:  Me too!  I’m always afraid I’ll sound dumb.
Charlie: Lindsay, we have more in common than we know.
It was reassuring to me that this gentleman, who I see as a wonderful pastor and I never would have once guessed considered himself quiet, had similar public speaking fears as I.  We totally had this moment [at least on my end] where we completely understood the other.  Charlie’s also fun.  jD had to leave early so at the end of the meeting – when we each had to sign in/decide what further discussion formats we wanted to be a part of – Charlie signed jD up for every single thing possible.  [You’re welcome, jD.] 
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