theological high.

9 Nov

[A politically correct title?  Likely not.  Oh well.]
Fall theological conference for pastors, baby!
Paige and I left Owatonna Sunday afternoon bound for Rochester where we would meet up with jD.  Not due to arrive to pick up the missing third of the triple threat, Paige and I stopped for lunch.  Here.  It’s kind of a classy place; a place that most of the people in the area know about and have been.  I’m fairly certain we walked in and lowered the average age of restaurant guests by about 40 years.  It was the Sunday-after-church-older crowd.  We stopped for chocolates at the chocolate shoppe across the street and then were off again, ready and poised for more adventures.
Once we were three in the car, we began discussing how we wished the car ride was longer.  I was looking forward to going off with friends but I just wasn’t sure that I was prepared for a two-day conference with stodgy pastors.  Alas, we arrived, checked into our hotel rooms and took a deep breath as we entered the reception area and cash-bar-with-the-bishop before dinner and the official start of the conference.  
To recap: We enjoyed the journey.  We were uncertain of the actual conference and reason for travel.  Would it be enjoyable or just boring as all get out?  These fears were real.
It turned out our uncertainties were not actualized.  Hooray!  While there certainly are some stodgy pastors [you can’t tell me everyone at a dentist convention is full of fun either], I met some awesome colleagues.  Both nights we were there included pastor hang out sessions in various hotel rooms.  It felt comfortable to be with other pastors who understand, who can also take off their ‘pastor hat,’ and who can have a good time.  One particular pastor – who shall remain nameless – made his way into my heart with his rebellious side and cursing mouth.  We’re just people, people.
I got to see dear Karen of Stillwater – the one who now works on the synod staff – and she invited Paige and I to the secret seventh floor appetizer parties.  I met other first call friends and had lunch with the bishop.  It was, however, eventually time to leave.  jD, Paige, and I piled back into Sprocket, bound for Chinese food before leaving LaCrosse.  The resulting restaurant find was not overly pleasant and none of us were brave enough to try the number five.  
There is a price to pay for the crazy faith-filled fun of clergy.  Hot tea is now my best friend as I nurse a sore throat and icky nose deal.  Lack of sleep and that darn sleep-number bed that would not cooperate I will blame.  [We tried to figure out our sleep number but the remotes were too advanced for our kind.]  I will conclude, however, that fall theological conference ranked quite high in my book.  It was a high I needed and a renewal that came at the right time.  I feel – at least a little – rejuvenated for ministry back in the grove.  

off to lacrosse.

6 Nov
I blogged here today.

And now I’m off for the southeastern Minnesota synod fall theological conference until Tuesday.
Translation: Paige, jD, and I are going to LaCrosse.  [Together, of course.]  We will listen to a key speaker, worship with all other SE MN synod pastors, stay in a hotel, and go pastor crazy.  For us, that might mean a board game and a couple large cranberry juices.  Watch out.
Mabel is being boarded for the first time while I’m away.  This pastor may shed a tear or two if the parting is full of sorrow.  But I think she may have fun.
And now I leave you with the text I preached on today for All Saint’s Sunday:

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are.  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed.  What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is.  And all who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.  [1 John 3:1-3]

story of my life.

5 Nov
Source: pete.com via Lindsay on Pinterest

less than perfect.

4 Nov
Two songs: F**kin’ Perfect by Pink and That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette.
I’m never totally up on the music scene so excuse me if I’m way behind the times.  I just heard the Pink song on the radio a few weeks ago.  The second song is an older one.  I recall listening to it in a pastoral care class and my recent renewed addiction to Dawson’s Creek has brought it to my attention again.  It was used in a recent episode and caught my ear.  They’re good songs, people.  Good songs. 

You’re so mean when you talk about yourself … change the voices in your head … make them like you instead.  Pretty pretty please don’t you ever ever feel like you’re less than – less than perfect.  Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing, you are perfect … to me.  

... that I would be good even if I got a thumbs down … that I would be good if I got and stayed sick … that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds … that I would be loved even when I’m not myself … that I would be good even if I lost sanity … that I would loved even if I wasn’t myself …

I like these songs particularly lately because I of all people need to hear them.  I resonate.  I may be mistaken as a confident young woman but, more often than not, I’m insecure, unsure, and fearful.  
I need to change the voices in my head.  My thoughts of late are constantly filled with judgement, self-doubt, and mistakes.  I second guess my decisions and consistently tell myself that I don’t do enough.  
It’s not that I’m not given grace.  It’s not that I’m not learning and growing in skill and confidence.  It’s not that I’m not supported.  Perhaps it’s how I function and a little enneagram #2 coming into play.  [I blame my 2-ness a lot.  Perhaps that needs to be a blog post of the future.]  Perhaps it’s how my history has seasoned me to act.  Perhaps it’s greater culture.  
Whatever it may be, mission: attitude change must begin.  A colleague told me that someone once told him that this pastor tells himself, “I am okay.”  Perhaps I need a personal mantra.  Something I can tell myself and believe.  Something maybe like:
I am a child of God.
I am gifted.
I am loved.
I don’t have to do everything.
I must take care of myself.
I carried a watermelon.
[strike the last one from the record.  but name that movie and I’ll give you an air high-five.]
You should repeat every one of those statements and know it to be your truth.  
Say it.  Believe it.  And I’ll try and take that advice for myself too.

week one.

3 Nov
Be thankful on paper, week the first.
I sent out two thank you notes yesterday addressed to three people.  [It’s almost like a riddle!]
One thank you was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. jD and Lauren and the second to Ms. Paige.  The thank you notes were simplicity at its finest and said only the following:

I am fairly certain that first call would be miserable without you.  Thank you for being my friend(s)!

True story.  I think that sums it up.
My first call as a single pastor in rural Minnesota would be incredibly lonely, filled with despair, and miserable without these three friends [exaggeration noted] who were wonderfully already in place when I arrived to Austin.   But seriously, if I didn’t have these colleagues in the form of such wonderful friends, things would be so incredibly different.  We can call each other at any point to discuss certain situations, possible sermon topics, and the unique aspects of our congregations.  They’re up for coffee dates, afternoon lunches, and television viewing on Sunday evenings.  We can be brutally honest with each other, say naughty words [except for Paige. she doesn’t swear.], and simply be ourselves without our pastor hats on.  We go to pumpkin patches, synod functions, and might polar plunge.  We’re that cool.
And for that and for them I am so incredibly thankful.

love this.

2 Nov
I love this.  I will fashion my own on the macbook and print it and frame it myself.
I don’t think I carped the hell out of this diem.  It’s not even 10 and I’m exhausted.  The confirmands and I did make microwave smores.  [score.]  Mabel threw up.  I finished a baby quilt top and now I’m drawn into and addicted to season three of Dawson’s Creek.  Darn it all, Pacey Witter.  
I’ll try and carpe the hell out of tomorrow’s diem.  Promise.
Source: etsy.com via Lindsay on Pinterest

Here’s what I know –

1 Nov
I made myself wait until November 1st – that’s today – to put Elf in the dvd player.  I nearly watched it last week but held off.  Now, dare I say, I’m ready for snow and to put up my Christmas tree.  [I’ve never been such a Christmas-so-early person.  People change.]  Just call me a cotton-headed-ninny-muggin.  [Elf only needs a full forty minutes of sleep a night.  Oh how I wish.]
I want to buy this water bottle.  Not because I need a new water bottle but because it’s Matt Damon holding it and promoting it for his new non-profit, water.org.  He’s my favorite.  
I painted my bedroom yesterday; photos to follow as the room comes together.  But know that I love it!
I bought bar stools to go with my bar height game table in the great room.  They arrived today via amazon and … they’re too tall.  Boo.  [Silly me to guess that a bar table would need bar height stools.  Wrong.]  Now to find someone with carpentry skills to shorten them for me?
I had two families of trick-or-treaters last night [church people] and one random guy dressed as Jason who knocked aggressively on my door at 10:20.  10:20!  I did not answer but stared at him from the peephole until he got in the car and drove away.  Needless to say, it freaked me out.  Freaked me out.  Like he really wanted two boxes of nerds anyways.
“I love you.  I’ll call you again in five minutes.”
“Buddy, you don’t have to call me again.”
“Good idea.  You call me.”
“I’m going to hang up now.”
“I PAINTED A PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY!”

It’s time.

1 Nov

Last year I participated in this thankful blogging effort with my DB [Dancing Banana] friend, Jen at After the Chapel and lots of other awesome thankful bloggers through Rachel at No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane.  It’s time again!  Here’s the gist of it:
On each Wednesday of the month in November, I will write a thank you note to a person for whom I am thankful and put that baby in the mailbox..
On each Thursday of the month, I will write a blog post about the person to whom I wrote.
Ta da!  Thankfulness!  
You don’t have to have a blog to participate either.  This November [and really, all year long] be thankful for the people in your lives!
Check out who I wrote to last year here, here, here, and here.

more mabel.

31 Oct
Remember when I warned you that you’d be sorry I ever got a dog because she would be all I would blog about?  Let it begin.
Here’s the latest Mabel update via photo:
Lindsay caved.  She can lay on the couch now.

Sometimes I sleep like this.

The LBW and NIB make lovely pillows for a PD [pastor’s dog].

gray & yellow.

31 Oct
Since moving in, my bedroom is the one room that has received zero attention.
It’s time to change that.  I want it to be a happy place.
We’re beginning with paint.  [I’ve never really painted a room.  bathroom stalls?  yes.  giant fiberglass turtles and frogs?  yes.  bedrooms?  today we attack – rollers, blue tape, and all.]

And using this pinterest board as inspiration.  Gray and yellow is the goal.
[however I talked to my mom tonight and I’m worried now that my gray will look purple or blue instead of gray.  time will tell.]
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