I’ll miss you.

23 May
I’ve been absent.  Don’t hate me.
Senior week has thrown me for a loop.  A loop of lots of fun, an odd schedule, and an inability to ever remember what day it actually is.  Monday, right?  Right.
As graduation looms less than one week away, I fear I’m becoming more sad than anything.  I’m trying to squeeze everything in before that day comes, but I know I’m missing things.  And as soon as I move, I’ll miss people.
I’ve been seeing friends nearly every day of the past week and a half.  As we depart at the end of the nights, I’ve gotten into the habit of saying, in a funny way, “I’ll miss you,” knowing that the chances of me seeing them within the next twenty-four hours are pretty good.  It’s my version of a sentimental silly joke.  But soon it will be reality.
I said another goodbye today.  I drove to Stillwater for lunch with Denise, my BFF from my Trinity days.  Denise is one of my Stillwater ‘moms,’ a former coworker who calls me “Linnie” and spoils me with lunch and awesome cookie pans at my birthday.  Here we are, full of sweat and concrete dust as we put roofs on houses with 90 Trinity youth in Mexico in 2008, the trip when we became official BFFs:

We went out to The Green Room in downtown Stillwater to catch up and talk about what’s next for both of us.  Denise is moving to southern IL in a matter of months to join her husband who recently moved there for work.  It’s her last week at Trinity, but I hope not our last chance to see each other.  With her moving to southern IL and me moving to who knows where after a few months in WI, the chances of us catching up again in person may be slim.  I’ll miss her.
Luckily, we have facebook.  And pinterest.  We will send each other messages.  But still this move seems so much more final than other ones I’ve made.  In the past, I’d always known I was coming back to somewhere.  I’m not coming back to the Cities in the near future, and Denise is leaving too.
I’m not sure how else to sum up this blog post and these feelings but with an ‘ugh.’
Ugh.

photos from last night.

20 May
It’s like the website ‘texts from last night’ but these are my photos and they are most likely much less offensive.  Here’s my Thursday, as told through my Instagram photo app:

I completed The Hunger Games series on the patio at Starbucks over a grande-iced-white-chocolate-non-fat-no-whip-mocha yesterday.  I wasn’t overly impressed with the last half of the last book, but I will say that I was content with the very end.  I will also say that it’s a good thing I was outside and wearing sunglasses because there were a few tears shed.  If this ever blows up like Twilight [casting for the movies has already begun], I’m totally Team Peeta.  I want a Peeta.  I mourned the ending of the series yesterday; it’s sad to know that something that has become a part of me in the last week is over.  The grief has happened and I think I’m ready to move on.  Time for a new book!  *claps hands*

Library game night was last night as a part of the senior week festivities.  The library was opened for us and we played games in the reference room for four hours, using our outside voices, eating sandwiches, and ignoring the books that surrounded us.  Four of us began a game of Settlers that consumed our entire time at game night.  Wooten to another three hour game of cities, settlements, and roads!

Game night ended and I offered Sarah and Paige a ride down the hill to our apartment buildings.  We got in the car – it’s 10pm at this point – and we realize it’s too early for bed.  We car dance for a few minutes and then text jD to tell him we’re coming to get him and Lauren, our former competition in Settlers at the library.  He invited us up to their apartment where we waited outside of their door in folding chairs in a row.  It was hilarious at the time; I think we were quite slap happy.  It’s also difficult to take a self-photo with an iphone – evidence above.

Once inside, we learned how to tie a bowtie [above], watched an episode of Friends [Paige had never seen a full episode before!], and ate ice cream sandwiches.  We left around 1:30, making it another 2am night for this girl.  I think that’s just becoming my new schedule for the next week; it’s starting to feel natural to stay up so late.  The minute I have to start getting up before 9 it’s going to bite me in the butt …

dance party.

19 May
Let me begin by saying that I love all this play with no work.  With many of my friends, this will be the last chance I have to hang out with them so take advantage of it I will.  I have now been up until at least 2am the last four nights – granted, one of those nights it was for laundry purposes – and have been having much enjoyable time with people and [the introvert adds] myself.  Like yesterday.  I took a Lindsay afternoon and walked about Como Lake a couple times, drank a latte and read outside at a coffee shop.  I cannot convey the all sorts of perfect that was.  The Lindsay afternoon was followed by an evening of potluck and dance party.  Though I will try, pretty sure I can’t completely explain how awesome that was either.
We ate our potluck supper outside on the green grass and once we were filled with deliciousness, the camp games began.  leg wrestling.  elbow tag.  chicken, cowboy, conqueror.  trust falls.  my grandma’s big fat toe. 
awesomeness.
leg wrestling.  crazy.  [I promised no facebook exposure.  blog is fair game?]
chicken!
Paige would not crack during my grandma’s big fat toe.  Would not one bit!

The pure awesome-sauce nature of the night continued at J & M’s apartment for – that’s right – a dance party.

My friends and I in college would often think, “Let’s have a dorm room dance party!”  But we’d never really dance.  Or we’d dance for two songs and then get distracted and do something else.  [Squirrel!]  I went to this dance party, certain that we would have fun but never could have guessed that we would actually dance.  For three hours.  Three solid sweaty hours.  [We did our best to heat up the room, trying to make the indoor thermometer read 80 degree.  That was the goal.  We had to settle for 77.9 just after 1am.]
[most likely living on a prayer.  can you tell?]
dry ice.  don’t touch!
This dance party was awesome.  It was like the best wedding reception dances that I’ve been to but there were only seven of us, we were in an apartment living room, and no one had gotten married hours earlier.  There was brie baked in a bread bowl.  There was wine.  There was dry ice.  [Joel bought dry ice for the party!  I don’t think I can say awesome any more than I already have – the limit is three – but if I could, *insert here*]  There was even a friend visiting from New York.  [See what I did there?]
And there was Gaga.  Justin.  Instructional dancing for Katy Perry’s Firework.  We whipped out the Chris Brown Forever wedding song in peel-the-banana fashion, each of us cruising down the aisle.  Bon Jovi.  Britney and Boyz II Men.

a bit creepy.  a bit cool.  these guys were in the zone and crazy dancers.
As we were hydrating during a dance break [kinda like this], Sarah asks me, “Why didn’t we become friends earlier?”  Good question.  But I’m glad we’re friends now and so glad the seven of us partied it up dance-party style last night.  This last semester has been a blast of new friends, new experiences in fun, and – I’m going to say it – awesomeness.
  
I declare the need for a dance party encore.

mosaicing.

18 May
Way back yonder in October, I bought a groupon to attend a mosaic class at Mercury Mosaics in Minneapolis.  I bought two actually – one for me and one for Sara.  Cassie bought one as well and later I discover that Erin [a college friend of one of my high school friends/blogger at growing up gaffney] also had a date with ceramic tiles and grout coming up.  And so the fellowship of the mosaic class was formed.
We started with dinner on the patio at Psycho Suzi’s [ahh, patios.] and then made our way to class where we dug through bins of tiles on the ’tile buffet,’ organized, reworked, and finally used an adhesive with texture like cream cheese to make our work permanent, all while navigating interactions with the incredibly awkward instructor and incredibly rude fellow classmates.  Grouting was sent home with us, the final step to be done after the adhesive cures for at least a full day.  Here are our [nearly] final [still grout-less] products:

Monday was –

17 May
First of all, Monday felt like Friday.  
Second of all, Monday was just all sorts of emotions.  
Also all sorts of seven dwarf names.
Sleepy: I spent Sunday night with a sleepover at Sara’s.  We watched Modern Family, made two recipes off of Pinterest [lemon puppy chow and jello molded in citrus peels], and feel asleep to our usual movie – Pride and Prejudice.  We didn’t start the movie until well after midnight and we both casually dozed off as the music played in the background.  Sub-consciously, somehow, we both knew when to wake up.  I looked at my phone at 2:17am and then glanced over at the couch.  Sara was awake too and right at the time when Darcy first declares his feelings for Elisabeth.  [Watch the scene here.]  We stayed awake to watch him mutter the feelings he can bear no longer.  He loves her, most ardently.  *sigh*
Sara shakes it.  [the puppy chow]
Sleepy also will work as I then stayed awake until 2am this past morning.  Reading.  Three-quarters done with the second book in The Hunger Games after beginning it yesterday afternoon following class.  [It’s probably best if I just do nothing else and finish the series, right?  Not like I’ll get much done in the meantime.]
Happy: I completed and turned in my last final of my seminary career.  I also went to my final class period of seminary.  Can I get a wooten?!  [Whenever I text ‘woot’ on my phone, it auto-corrects to ‘wooten.’  I think I might just give in and start saying what the iPhone tells me I should say.  Though what is a ‘wooten’?  Any clue?]
Sneezy:  I sneezed.  Twice.
Dopey: I was a little dopey.  Truth is, my brother began his move to Alaska yesterday.  I heard last week that he got a job there and, while I had known he’d been looking, I had no idea he was moving so quickly.  He packed his camper, organized his life, and on the road he was by Monday morning.  Now my older brother moved to Colorado last year but Colorado just doesn’t seem as final or far as Alaska.  Airfare to CO is much more manageable than flying to Anchorage.  So Ben is moving … and I’ll miss him.  Since he became the boyfriend of a U of M student this spring, I actually saw him more than I have in many years past.  Plus, he’s taking his dog, Jetta.  I’ll miss Jetta lots too.
Grumpy: For the sake of the seven dwarfs, I’ll use this emotion but really, it was more frustration.  I had a macaron-making date with Melissa and our first batch, intended to be mint chocolate, failed miserably.  Like couldn’t even be salvaged to snack on.  Like epic fail.  [This did mean, however, that the mint leaves originally reserved for the filling of the mint macarons could now be repurposed for mojitos.  When life gives you mint leaves, make mojitos.]  Our second batch – coconut mango – turned out edible.  [Not necessarily pretty, but edible.]
Bashful and Doc: This is where the seven dwarf comparison fails me.  I’m out.

a proud bibliophile.

15 May
I loooove the books that draw you in and refuse to let you leave.  The books that make you turn the pages as quickly as possible.  The books that leave you crying because you’re so involved in the characters lives, and the books that make you scream, gasp, and read on in disbelief when something you had hoped with your whole being would never happen does.  The ones with characters that you want to bring up in conversation as if they were real and your friends.  The books with a fictional world of characters who do things, experience things, and feel things that I can only imagine.  I love the books that actually make you sad and even distressed when they’re over, and you wonder what will fill that place in your life now that the last page is read and it seems those friends are now gone.
Luckily, there are two more books in the Hunger Game series.  But I wonder if I want to read them at all.
I mean, I do.  I really do want to read them.  I want to dive in right now but yet, I don’t want to because I have a feeling that things are going in a direction that I don’t want them to go.  And if I don’t read the next two books, then Peeta and Katniss can simply be happy, right?  *sigh*  Probably not.  I know.
Suzanne Collins, the author of this series, is a genius to make her readers feel this way.  I can’t put the book down, am so involved in the characters, and don’t want to read on but know I will because I can’t just not read the other two books.  There were moments as I got to the end of the first book that I wanted to put it in the freezer.  I could sense something bad was about to happen, or just knew things couldn’t end so peaceably.  I wanted to put it in the freezer like Joey on Friends puts The Shining in the freezer when he gets scared.  [But I’m reading these books on my kindle so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea, eh?]
Harry Potter had the same effect on me.  I remember hating that Dumbledore died and, moreso, that Snape did it.  Snape is my favorite and I was so disappointed that I almost wanted to stop … but I didn’t because I knew that couldn’t be the end.  I knew that Snape couldn’t be all evil.  I believed in that greasy-haired crazy man who held a soft-spot in my heart.  I remember camping on an island [seriously.] with my high school friends and taking Harry Potter with me because I was 40 pages from the end and knew I couldn’t wait until I got home the next day; I read those last pages by flashlight in a tent.  Likewise, I was so angry when a Weasley boy … nevermind.  I won’t spoil it for those of you who are waiting for the last movie installment, not having read the books.  [But you really should read the books!]
I know I’ve talked about being that girl as a kid.  The one with her nose in a book constantly.  I was that girl and proud of it.  [My parents were not always so thrilled.  To tear me away from a book was not easy.]  The yellow hardcover Nancy Drew novels of my Mom’s and Babysitter’s Club led to Fear Street and then John Grisham and Nicholas Sparks.  Then college hit and leisure reading became a facet of the past.  Maybe I’ll become that girl again this summer.  [In all this book chatter, I’m reminded of this blog post again – a post about the girl who reads.  Perfectly worded and explained.  I’ve posted it before but maybe you didn’t read it.  If you have, read it again.  I think it’s so worth it.]
And so I will read on.  [After my last two finals of graduate school are completed.]  I believe that Katniss’ journey can’t be one of all tragedy; I need to hope that there can be a happy ending at the conclusion of the series.  I might cry.  Yeah, I probably will cry if I have any inkling of what might come.  But I’ll read on, engage in her world again, and hope for the best for my new fictional friend.

[What book does this for you?  If you feel so connected to a book or fictional character and want to share them with me, please help me compile my summer reading list.  Let me know what you’re reading and what you love!]

cookie fairy.

14 May
One of my favorite women to visit while doing CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) in the summer after my second year of seminary was named Edna.  It was my first week there and her daughter-in-law died.  I’d never met Edna but she wanted to speak to a chaplain.  *deep breath*  Okay.  I met with Edna that day and just loved her to pieces.  She walked with a walker, had a full head of white curly hair, and wore her glasses slightly askew.  On days when I wasn’t quite sure what to do, I’d knock on Edna’s door to chat.  
There was one morning when I was just striking out as I knocked on doors to visit people.  People weren’t home and I was at a loss for how to spend my time.  I happened to be on Edna’s floor so I knocked on her door.  She opened the door, saw it was me, and exclaimed, “Thank God you are here!”  She had just received disturbing news about her son’s health and was happy to have someone to talk with about it.  [I could go on and on about cute Edna stories, including the one where she pointed to her coffee mug, on which was a black and white photo of her deceased husband, and said, “I have coffee with my husband every morning.”  Oh for sweet.]
This is kinda how I felt on Thursday night.  You can read the post beneath this one to see the kind of night I may have been having.  I know there were at least a dozen people – probably more – that I could have called that night to talk with or asked to hang out with … but I didn’t.  I don’t like to be needy, or vulnerable to the point where I seem needy.  [curse of the enneagram number two]  I called no one and sat on the couch attempting to do homework alone.

The buzzer to let people into the building went off in my apartment right around 10pm.  I was expecting no one and just earlier that day, we had received an email from the building lady warning us of possible scheming being done by two strange guys in the neighboring apt. building.  I wasn’t going to let anyone in!  But then it buzzed again.  What the heck, I wondered.  Then this text message exchange happened –
After the “Are you buzzing me!?” text I sent, the buzzer went off about five times, alerting me that yes, this particular sweet couple was buzzing me.  They were cookie fairies, bringing delicious cookies.  I kinda felt like Edna, wanting to open the door and say, “Thank God you’re here.”  Not just because of the cookies but just because it was good to sit and chat for a short while. Lauren and jD had perfect timing AND they brought chocolate.  best. cookie. fairies. ever.

comparisons.

14 May
I constantly compare myself to others.  I know I shouldn’t.  I know that I am me and you are you and our paths through life are different and that’s how it is meant to be.  But I still make the side-by-side lists in my head, comparing pros and cons, good and bad.
Right now my lists consist of comparing myself to classmates regarding calls.  Many of my friends have calls to churches post-graduation.  Many are planning ordinations.  Many know what their summer will look like.  I am incredibly happy for these friends – really, I am! – but I don’t have a call, I’m not planning an ordination, and I know only what my June will look like.  My comparisons have me feeling pretty low.
I had an impending sense of doom throughout all of Thursday.  You know those days when you feel like something is just going to go wrong?  The pit in my stomach warned me that something wasn’t quite right.  I called the synod of my assignment to see what they knew about the church where I had interviewed, since it had been nearly two weeks and I’d heard nothing.  The synod knew that the church liked me – they are not releasing me as a candidate – but they also want to interview more people.  I still feel pretty emotional about the news; in summary, the news kinda sucked.
I know that I am called to be a pastor and that I do well in this vocation.  I know that there will be a church that wants me and that calls me but for now, I feel a bit like a failure.  Again, in comparing myself with others who are called and have dates on the calendar to be ordained and to move and to begin working, I’m behind.  If we continue to compare this process to dating, I feel rejected.  [Ah, yes.  Know that feeling well.]
I’ve been in this place before, with my negative thoughts and illicit comparisons, but I refuse to let them infiltrate all facets of my life.  Yeah, Thursday was a pretty down day [blogger being down helped none.] but things have looked up since then.  I have two finals left to complete by Monday and many opportunities to be social beside.  After that, time will be filled with craftiness, packing, and general playing and merriment.  I know I move home for June and if June turns into June and July, maybe that will give me the chance to start my Etsy store or explore reading, running, and crafting at length.  Maybe I could look for a fun-to-me part-time job or consider visiting long-lost friends in WA and IN and MI.  Maybe I’ll stop comparing myself to others too, and enjoy this unique journey as my own and one that needs to be no one else’s.  

I’m back!

13 May
The host for this blog, blogger, was down for nearly a whole day and, boy, did I miss my bloggy blog.  A lot of things happened yesterday – good and bad – and I found myself wanting to share the day with you.  But I couldn’t.  Every time I tried I got an error.  No worky.  
I followed Blogger on Twitter and they constantly said that the site would be up and running again soon, along with the missing posts on this blog that suddenly went missing.  I waited.  I wrote blog posts in my head.  I exploded my thoughts onto paper.  
Joel even wrote a rap about it last night.  He and his wife use blogger too, and were equally frustrated!  But fear not, as I live and breathe and type here, blogger has been resurrected.  I blogged here briefly in the absence of this gnomepreacher if you want to check that out, and even though it no longer technically applies, please enjoy Joel’s rap about blogger being dumb.
Blogger is down/ can’t write for awhile/ I’m gonna yell as I bust out in style/ try to write down all the stories in my mind/ better come back on line or I’m swinging for your head/ all you IT geeks with your programmer skills/ get blogger back up and running before I hit you in the grills/ I got hops/ and mad writing skills/ write now I’m pissed off/ cuz there are pages to fill/ off on a rant started couple hours ago/ this stupid ass site/ has got to show some respect for the people who navigate and write/ I’ll poetry slam you with a blog post all through the night/ what the hell is up, dear blogger/ what the hell is up….I want to write! What the hell is up, blogger/ you better watch out cuz we in for a fight!

love letter to a thesaurus.

11 May
First, watch this.  [There is no embed code and you’ll have to make the jump.  One further apology for the recent abundance of Friends references.  I’m on season one again and it’s in the head.]
I was about to close a few windows on my computer, paused over my dictionary/thesaurus application as if to close it, and then thought, “Nah.  I use that baby all the time.  I’m just going to keep it open.”  This is the result of that thought, too much homework in one day, and the previously linked video clip:
Intimate thesaurus,

I delight in you, a laudable thesaurus.  I recoil from employing equivalent script duplicated in a phrase or write-up and I’m completely about obtaining cutting-edge and diverting methods to construct whatsits.  You as a thesaurus are jolly, utilitarian, and viable, and designate me jovial, blithe, and chirpy.  I aspire to habitually wield you, a thesaurus, in my oeuvre.

Really,
Lindsay Poached 

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →