baby (quilt) excitement.

14 Oct
I talked to my friend, Deb, online today.  She asked me to read over her substitute teaching plans with the eyes of a former substitute and as her maternity leave will be here shortly.
Suddenly, I was so excited!  The maternity leave is in sight.  Baby will be here so soon and Deb as the mom is so excited to meet her daughter.  Hearing Deb’s excitement made me so excited … and thus, foregoing any obligation to homework or study, I went to work immediately on the quilt which will be my gift to the new baby and family.  I can’t wait to find more time to begin sewing and putting the quilt together.
I’ll finish this quilt for Baby I (as the baby is referred to – the name, beginning with I, is known only by mommy and daddy) and then need not worry about what quilt should come next — my dear friend from my first year at seminary, Kari, is due to have a baby in the first months of the new year!  I stood up in Kari’s wedding and we keep in close touch despite the distance that divides us from MN to Seattle.  I’m so very excited for Kari and her husband, Chris!

lay ’em down.

13 Oct
Tonight confirmation got real.  Not that it had ever been fake … but instead of the ordinary night, there was a big change.  I had bought fleece; we were going to make tie pillows.  I had picked up paint samples so we could decide what color we wanted to paint our room.  We didn’t do any of that.
Last night there was a double suicide in Stillwater.  Two ninth graders – a boyfriend and girlfriend.  They were found dead in a park.  They were not members of Trinity, of our confirmation program, but the ninth graders, along with the seventh and eighth graders, came with heavy hearts, so much emotion, and so many questions.  The planned lessons went out the window.
Pastor TJ talked about all of the empty pages these two now have unwritten in their lives.  How suicide is not heroic.  How even when we think life is hopeless, when you think you’re alone, and you want to close the book on the years to come, there are people to turn to, there are people who love and value each person.  We had communion together, wrote prayers and feelings in marker on a giant sheet of paper, and lit candles as prayers upon the altar.  I didn’t know these two fourteen year olds but that moment of prayer, lighting a candle on the altar, got me.  There I found my connection with God and my moment of mourning.  I cried alongside the girls in my group.  I cried for them and the pain their feeling at the unnecessary loss of two friends and I cried for those families.  I simply cannot imagine.
Paul writes, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  These verses from Romans were used by Pastor TJ and guided our prayer in our small group.  As we talked in our groups, one of the things we wanted our confirmands to leave with was a list – a list of three people they can talk to no matter what, a list of three people to whom they can go in any circumstance.  The ladies in my group are blessed to be wonderfully supported by each other and by families.  Amen to that.  But to those who feel alone and hopeless, I hope they left with that list and that they’ll use it.
As I took my half hour drive back to St.Paul from Stillwater, this was the song, by needtobreathe, that my car cd player repeated over and over at my prompting — 

{ step on the crunchy leaves }

11 Oct
I’m a master at this piece of my fall list.  Take these leaves, crunchy and wonderful, that cover the sidewalks outside of Bockman Hall.  I stepped on and crunched those babies to bits.  Check.
{ get lost in a corn maze }
{ bake a pie }
{ prepare a pot of chili, beer bread, invite friends over to enjoy }
{ step on the crunchy leaves }
{ sew a baby quilt }
{ homemade pizza on the pizza stone }
{ attend a wine tasting }
{ make and share these }
{ 10k training – the hiatus is over – it’s back on }
{ find a fall festival }
{ cabin weekend. a hike to the fire tower }
{ scarves.  puffy vests.  boots. }
{ read a for-fun book }
{ cheer on the twins from target field }
{ take a stroll around a lake } 
{ pick my own pumpkin.  carve.  light. }

{ cabin weekend. }

10 Oct

PERFECT weekend for the cabin.  I set off on Saturday morning with plans to meet high school friends Lynn, Krissy, and Kay, along with their boys.  I arrived at the cabin, found the driveway (It’s secret.) and pulled in, expecting to stop in front of the gate and needing to go find the secret key to unlock it.  I found the gate open.  Huh.  I pulled in forward and saw a car blocking my path.  And Uncle Brian?  Surprise!  Once we moved past the confusion, we got our stories out – Aunt Peggy and Uncle Brian had come up the night before.  [Clarification: The cabin is a family cabin, aka my dad’s side of the family.  Grandpa, aunts, uncles, and cousins all share/take care of the property.]  I said I was meeting friends.  We hugged.  Aunt Peggy helped me hang my hammock … and then she enjoyed the comfort of it for a while.  Uncle Brian told me about the mouse problem. (… which becomes an important detail.  Remember that for later.) They were headed out that afternoon and did so as my friends from Edgerton arrived.  

The seven of us had a great time, as is only expected in Millston.  The boys loved playing in the hammock, including a game of tackling/crawling over Lynn & Lindsay.  We went to dinner at Evergreen’s supper club, which is the cabin tradition.  The boys told the waitstaff about how excited they were to be camping and peeing on trees.  We nearly missed the driveway on the way back in the dark and pulled into the ditch instead.  A fire, s’mores, and girls’ time by the fire after the boys konked out in the cabin.  We took a group outhouse trip in the dark before bed … even as 26 year olds, we refuse to go by ourselves in the dark.

The boys woke the rest of us up the next morning, yelling “Cannonball!,” jumping on mattresses and then Ryan and Evan climbing in and out of our bunks, chit chatting.  As Ryan was climbing down from my top bunk, he told me, “There’s a mouse in there, Aunt Lindsay,” referring to the crevice between the mattress and the side of the bunk.  I denied it, thinking he was trying to freak me out.  “No, really, there’s a mouse.  It’s dead.  I see it’s tail.”  No.  No.  Then I looked.  YES!  There was a dead mouse in my bunk.  Ew, eww, eww.  I honestly hope it was dead and lying there the whole time; otherwise my brain runs wild thinking about how it could have ate some of the poison that Uncle Brian put out on the ledge above my bed, possibly crawled over me while I slept … EW.  
Breakfast.  I played barista with Starbucks VIA instant coffee.  (Delicious, especially if you add a half a cup of cream like a Poff I know …)  The boys came outside once we did to play on the hammock again, afraid to actually go outside by themselves because of the possibility of wild chickens.  (I told the story of how one morning we woke up to a flock – flock? – of wild turkeys in the cabin yard.)  Then, in true cabin tradition, it was picture time, timer and other.  I had brought a wooden chair with me to the cabin to spray paint while there – I live in an apartment in the city – where would I spray paint here?  I painted it bright yellow and it begged for further play.  Add an umbrella and we had fun.  We were off and on our separate ways by noon.  Another successful cabin trip.
Lynn : woods.
Lindsay : outhouse.
Krissy : under deck.
Kay : picnic table.

* We did not hike to the fire tower, a traditional hike of easily two miles up a steep hill.  Hours of daylight were limited, plus the addition of three children, ages five and under, would have made an interesting hike.  Not to mention bow season is open.  We opted for a shorter hike to the bench.  You know, the bench.  I still count it as check-off-the-list worthy.  Check.

{ get lost in a corn maze }
{ bake a pie }
{ prepare a pot of chili, beer bread, invite friends over to enjoy }
{ step on the crunchy leaves }
{ sew a baby quilt }
{ homemade pizza on the pizza stone }
{ attend a wine tasting }
{ make and share these }
{ 10k training – the hiatus is over – it’s back on }
{ find a fall festival }
{ cabin weekend. a hike to the fire tower }
{ scarves.  puffy vests.  boots. }
{ read a for-fun book }
{ cheer on the twins from target field }
{ take a stroll around a lake } 
{ pick my own pumpkin.  carve.  light. }

I feel —

7 Oct
// afraid/apprehensive/scared/pessimistic/nervous/worried //
Tomorrow afternoon, Friday, after a long day of classes, is the first step in my approval process.  In order to be considered for ordination, I need to be approved by both the faculty and by my home synod candidacy committee.  Tomorrow is the interview with my faculty advisor and another faculty member.  They will ask me questions about my approval essay and other questions about my theological beliefs.  I’m terrified.  
I’m not always so quick or so articulate about my theological beliefs.  (Real great for a pastor, right?)  I can articulate theology in a sermon or in a confirmation lesson but ask me academically what justification or grace is and I’ll begin to stutter.  Sure, I’ll grab my thoughts and voice sooner than later but it’s not always pretty.  (What else isn’t pretty?  My self-confidence.)  Add it to the interrogation feel of me sitting across from two professors with their doctorates in theology/Bible and I’m scared stiff.  
I know I shouldn’t be worried.  They’re professors and they’re nice people.  They want to see me succeed.  But it’s just the idea that if I screw this up, this could prevent me from doing what I truly feel called to do.  Not only what I feel called to do but what I love to do and where I feel my gifts are used to the fullest.
Prayers and warm thoughts at 4pm are gratefully welcomed.  

Update: I’m approved!  Well, my faculty interviewers will recommend me for approval … this is simply the first step but one in the right direction!

three "for" stories.

7 Oct
1. for cute.
I had written a letter to my four year old friend C. from Dawson a couple weeks ago.  Today I received a response letter from him!  Well, technically, it was his mom writing but it was told from his point-of-view and had his printed signature at the bottom.  It talked about how much he loves preschool and how his Sunday School classroom was filled with friends in the last couple weeks.  In the letter, C. wondered if we could be pen pals.  Heck yes!  I love pen pals.  I had a pen pal all through upper elementary and middle school – Leann Hawkins from New Jersey.  Time for a new one!


2. for sweet.
I’m using my Wednesday nights to lead a ninth grade confirmation group in Stillwater at Trinity, the church I worked at prior to internship.  There was a group that needed a leader for only this year and I was looking to get plugged into a church.  It works perfectly.  Even more perfect is the group of girls I was assigned.  I have the sweetest, most-engaged, awesome ninth graders.  Sure, sometimes they get off track, talking about their Bob (the code name for the guys they like), but we’re making plans to hold small group at Caribou and tie pillows to jazz up the institutional-like closet where we meet.  I look forward to my Wednesday nights.


3. for funny.
To think the following story is funny, you have to know a few things.  First, this is a conversation I had with M., the nearly five year old with whom I craft and love tape.  This conversation happened in the midst of her continuing to work, to tear tape, to craft.  Second, she’s a kid.  Third, it was all said in a very matter-of-fact way.  Fourth, I don’t consider myself a cat person.  (So maybe I’m cruel to think this is funny?)  Fifth, I never did have a chance to clarify the story with the parent when he arrived home but I really doubt the last part is true.

Me: Where’s Gilbert? (the second cat)
M: He’s dead.
Me: What?!
M: Yeah. He was throwing up all the time and he’s dead.
Me: Did you take him to the doctor? (I’m trying to figure out if they had him put to sleep or …)
M: No.
Me: Did he die here?
M: He’s in the basement.
Me: But dead?
M: Yeah. He’s in a bag. Do you want to go see him?
Me: No. That’s okay.

preaching.

6 Oct
It’s been the Center for Biblical Preaching conference at Luther these last few days.  The campus welcomed well over two hundred preachers for plenary addresses, workshops and worship opportunities to dive into preaching as a ‘matter of life and death.’  As a student, I spent my days in regular classes, unable to attend any of the plenary sessions by the accomplished professors and preachers that the conference featured.  I was, however, able to hear three of them preach in chapel.  
It’s kinda crazy how excited, how enthused, and how intrigued I was to hear these people preach.  I mean, these people have written books on preaching and are known in the preaching “field.”  After being out on internship, preaching myself, and continuing to preach in senior year preaching labs, it’s an area of great interest.  Monday chapel’s sermon called us to recognize our role as not the human race, but the human family by a passionate Episcopalian bishop from the south.  Tuesday, Karoline Lewis (my middler year preaching professor) engaged us in a lesser-known John text.  (My favorite line from Karoline’s sermon?  In listing the things that hold us back, the things that people tell us that stop us from continuing on a certain path – “You’re too pretty to be a minister.”  Funny.  “I’ve never been told such a thing,” Lindsay says in jest.)  Then today, Tom Long’s sermon literally gave me the chills and had me tearing up at one point.  It isn’t hope that’s running out of time – despair is running out of time.  It isn’t justice that running out of time – it’s injustice that will soon end.  It isn’t life that’s running out of time.  Death is running out of time.  We know how the story ends.  
I preached in my preaching lab on Monday – a wedding sermon.  I received a lot of positive feedback from my peers and the professor facilitating the group.  (According to the professor, I have a good “wedding voice.”  Huh.  Okay.)  It’s been a month since I’ve preached; I think I missed it.  Luckily, I have a preaching engagement with my home congregation approaching.  I’ll be preaching to my friends at East Koshkonong on Sunday the 17th for the first time.  It will be exciting to preach at my home stomping ground!

{ pot of chili } & { wine tasting }

4 Oct
Saturday was a gorgeous second day of October.  Jeanette, Nathan, and I packed a picnic lunch and drove east to Stillwater for an afternoon at an apple orchard/winery with hundreds of our closest friends. We could not believe how busy Aamodt’s was – crazy families and people and cars all over the place!  We found ourselves a picnic table to eat our PB & Js and then joined a tour of the winery, which is conveniently right next door.  We learned about grapes and fermentation and concluded our tour in the tasting room.  Wine tasting.  Check.  Raspberry dessert wine?  Delicious. 

It kinda looks like we don’t even like each other in the above picture but really, we do.  We enjoy each other’s company so much that we returned to campus, prepared a pot of chili (with compromised noodles AND brown sugar), delicious biscuits, and yummy apple crisp.  We slaved and invited four fellow seminary friends to join us in enjoying the perfect fall feast that evening.  (Okay, so it’s not beer bread, as dictated by the fall list.  But I’m going to take it as checking it off the list.)  The night continued with Bananagrams (with the added lynnkjernes/kylemyhre twist) and many episodes of The Big Bang Theory.  Good day.  Good night.
{ get lost in a corn maze }
{ bake a pie }
{ prepare a pot of chili, beer bread, invite friends over to enjoy }
{ step on the crunchy leaves }
{ sew a baby quilt }
{ homemade pizza on the pizza stone }
{ attend a wine tasting }
{ make and share these }
{ 10k training – the hiatus is over – it’s back on }
{ find a fall festival }
{ cabin weekend. a hike to the fire tower }
{ scarves.  puffy vests.  boots. }
{ read a for-fun book }
{ cheer on the twins from target field }
{ take a stroll around a lake }
{ pick my own pumpkin.  carve.  light. }

the trip westward.

3 Oct
A week ago, I drove westward on the roads I know well – the ones that lead from St.Paul to Dawson.  I was making a quick Sunday night venture to gnomeville to give Karen, admin extraordinaire, a HUGE hug.  That really was my only object; everything else was extra.  Karen’s father had passed away suddenly and my heart goes out to anyone with that experience or any kind of sudden family death.  The hug was delivered to Karen at the visitation.  Check.  And then I was blessed with lots of hugs beyond that.  It was wonderful to see many of my former coworkers, though under such icky circumstances.
It was sad.  It was wonderful.  It was weird.  Dawson is no longer my current home.  Grace is no longer my church.  There is a new intern.  It felt a bit strange … which in many ways was a good piece of closure for me as I continue to move forward in my school year, but in other ways the grief continued as a reminder that it is different, over, and never will return.  Please don’t misunderstand me – I love it still.  I felt welcomed.  But it’s … very different.  (As is only to be expected.)
I spent the night in Dawson and was greeted at the place of my stay by four giddy girls, jumping up and down, yelling, “Noodles!” to every car that passed that wasn’t mine.  These four girls greeted me with a cheer, with hugs, and by making me run through the banner they made me —
It was super sweet.  The banner now hangs on the wall of my bedroom.  I love it.

{ cheer on the twins from target field }

3 Oct

Luther Seminary bought a block of tickets to Friday’s game for students to then purchase at a discounted price.  I went to the game with the Gieseke’s, my Stillwater family.  We enjoyed ballpark food, the city view, the cold breeze coming from behind us as we sat in the very top row of the park, and mugs of hot chocolate to keep us warm.  The Twins unfortunately didn’t pull out a win but conversations about bow ties, Phoebe and Mike, Ben Franklin, and 7th inning karaoke made it a great night.  The gnome came too.

{ get lost in a corn maze }
{ bake a pie }
{ prepare a pot of chili, beer bread and invite friends over to enjoy }
{ step on the crunchy leaves }
{ sew a baby quilt }
{ homemade pizza on the pizza stone }
{ attend a wine tasting }
{ make and share these }
{ 10k training – the hiatus is over – it’s back on }
{ find a fall festival }
{ cabin weekend. a hike to the fire tower }
{ scarves.  puffy vests.  boots. }
{ read a for-fun book }
{ cheer on the twins from target field }
{ take a stroll around a lake }
{ pick my own pumpkin.  carve.  light. }
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