happy national pb day!

24 Jan
Did you know?  It’s national peanut butter day!  Grab a spoon, walk to your cupboard/frig, and take a bite.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait.
[enter early-90s easy listening radio]
Good.  You’re back.  Now tell me – isn’t peanut butter a wonderful thing?
I had a meeting this morning in Rochester.  It happened to lead me right past the Trader Joe’s in Roch.  On the way home, my car automatically pulled into the parking lot; I couldn’t stop it.  I had a short list of things [peanut butter being one of them] so I made a quick grocery stop.  I love Trader Joe’s natural peanut butter.  I’ve tried other natural pbs and they just don’t measure up on my tongue.  nomnomnom.  Mr. Saltgnomeshaker and Mr. Peppergnomeshaker agree.
To celebrate the day, I opened it up and gave it a stir when I got home.  I grabbed a knife, found Mabel’s kong, and stuffed that sucker with small bones and topped it off with peanut butter.  Mabel loves this treat … but what you need to know is that Trader Joe’s natural pb [any natural pb really] has a certain tongue-smacking tendancy.  It isn’t quite as smooth or easy to swallow as the peanut butters like JIF.  Let me tell you – Mabel noticed the difference.  It took quite the [hilarious] effort to eat that peanut butter.  I plan to continue to torture her with such in the future.  [At this point, I would like to say that I’m still much kinder than my dad to dogs.  He used to take a saltine cracker, cover it with peanut butter, and then stick it to the roof of the mouth of my grandma’s dog.  Let me tell you – Stormy earned her treat with all the effort it required to get that off the roof of her mouth!  Cruel.  And hilarious.]

this isn’t everything you are.

24 Jan

this happened.

22 Jan
This happened.  Sara bought me pumpkin cream liqueur because, well, why not.  We weren’t quite sure what to do with it.  We thought it might be akin to Bailey’s, a la delicious in coffee.  Negative.  Never, ever, ever put pumpkin cream liqueur in coffee.  We lost sixteen good ounces of coffee that way that we’ll never get back.
This happened.  [photo credit: sjs]  Did you know that Austin, MN is Spamtown, USA?  Home of Hormel Foods and the SPAM museum.  I hadn’t visited the famed museum yet; I was waiting for my Sara to arrive.  We easily spent two hours in the museum and spent a combined $30 in the SPAM gift shop.
This happened.  There was a puppet show AND a game show.  [Not to mention a cooking show, packing demonstrations, a movie, and Monty Python references.]  Come visit and we’ll visit the museum dedicated to the canned pork product.
This happened.  Mabel killed her baby.  It was a massacre of stuffing.  She looks pretty satisfied about the murder.
It was fun having Sara as a visitor.  We talked, roasted chickpeas [yummy], and ate chocolate frozen yogurt malts for supper.  We created a theme room in an upstairs bedroom [come visit and you can have a tea party in the Room of Confusion] and shopped mainstreet Austin.  It happened and it was awesome.
21 Jan

This is what I did today. Shook a can of SPAM’s hand. More to come tomorrow.

general wackiness.

19 Jan
My house is the location of oddities and wacky things of late.
Take my dog, for example.  I accidentally dropped an ice cube on the floor and she went NUTS.  Turns out she loves ice cubes.  Cheaper than buying milkbones, I suppose.  Today, I came home from work and found a storage container lid and paring knife on the carpet.  She took it from the counter while I was gone and, I guess, ate what small scraps of cheddar she could find.  A knife!  This dog is loca.  She has also taken a cheese grater from the counter and licked that clean.  I can’t imagine her tongue feels great.  This is all completely besides the fact that I think she might have separation anxiety.  shakes head  Did I mention she shreds toilet paper if given the chance too?
I woke up this morning and was quite warm in the house.  I didn’t think too much about it; it’s always super warm upstairs compared to down and the thermostat is set to increase in temp to 68 degrees right around 6am.  I figured it was normal.  Oh, no.  I looked at the thermostat – it was 80 degrees in here and the furnace wouldn’t shut off!  I had to push the reset button on the furnace in the basement for things to even begin to cool down.  Add that to the smoke detector that started chirping at some point during the night.  As I woke up and became conscious of it, I had two paths I could choose from – the Phil Dumphy [Modern Family] or the Phoebe [Friends] response.  I was set for Phil Dumphy but found the culprit right away; no need for the cheerleading baton.
Tonight the game table in my great room is my location, a sermon I must write before Sara comes to visit for the weekend.  [SPAM museum, here we come!]  I should mention that while I sit here, Mabel lays in the kitchen and intensely stares at me with ears perked.  No clue what that means.  Just moments before she was doing the same thing from a random location in the middle of the dining area.  She’s weird.

a movie review.

17 Jan
[Review?  Loosely.]

This is really just me spewing about the delightful movie I watched last night because I can’t get it out of my head.  It’s one of those movies [in a good way].

I’m hit and miss with Mr. Woody Allen.  I love Scoop but Match Point wasn’t for me.  And … actually, that’s about as far as Woody and I go.  So really, we were fifty/fifty until last night.
Midnight in Paris is, as I said above, simply delightful.  Owen Wilson is adorable and his character a writer.  He spends his nights in -literally – another time, drinking with the likes of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemenway.  I enjoyed the literary funnies and cultural details of another era.  
You should rent it, watch it, and let me know your verdict!* [please see clause below]
*Rent and watch at your own risk.  If you rent and watch and hate, no blame can be passed to gnomepreacher.  Be warned that the genre of “Lindsay Classic” [movies loved by Lindsay, too often obscure and forced upon others for viewing opportunities] is not everyone’s favorite. Gnomepreacher will not reimburse your $1.29 redbox rental fee if you are unsatisfied with the movie; she will, however, ask you what’s wrong for you not to enjoy such a delightful, cinematic dream. 

I will not feel guilty.

16 Jan
I will not feel guilty about not working today.
I will not feel guilty about not working today.
I will not feel guilty about not working today.
That’s my refrain.  And so I drink coffee, watch Parenthood, and pin.  [Okay.  I did send two work emails.  But that’s it.]  Pinterest and I have been pretty distant lately but here’s the latest scoop of favorites:

Salted caramel cupcakes.  numnum.

Source: etsy.com via Lindsay on Pinterest

This is precisely what I have in mind for the entryway to my house!  [kid optional]

a failure.

15 Jan
The fear of trying something new is the fear of failure. *nods head* I experienced that today.
I had a funeral yesterday; it wiped me out. I got home around 1:30 and ended up asleep on the couch, slightly accidentally. I still had a Sunday sermon to write and very little energy/creativity with which to do it. It wasn’t my best. At all. But as Kendall would tell me on internship – you can’t hit every one out of the park. True story. I’m living, preaching proof.
In my sleepy state last night, I added a “turn to your neighbor” section of the sermon. I’ve put them in sermons before but when I’m in the pulpit, I always make the split-second decision to leave it out. David Lose, a professor I had in seminary, writes a weekly column on workingpreacher.org about the texts for the week. Lose is huge on the congregation participating in a sermon and I whole-heartedly agree with the reasoning and proposal of it. So I tried it, and even – quite literally – wrote the encouragement to do it in my manuscript.

And so I was brave … and it did fail. Miserably. They kind of just stared at me. They were likely hard questions. I probably didn’t set it up well enough. Or, maybe, the people in the pews didn’t pay much attention and simply didn’t want to play an active role in the ten minutes of the service when they can sit and zone out. Failed. Lesson learned. [That lesson being either chickening-out-is best or try-again-with-clearer-explanation. I’m not sure which.]
It’s okay though because the failure of the morning sermon quickly was forgotten and made way for a perfectly pleasant afternoon and evening. First up – Kendall, Emily and family popped by for a brief visit! It was beyond fun to welcome Dawson friends and show them around the place I call home and church. They were en route to another destination but I was so thankful they made the brief detour.
Next, I drove to Owatonna to meet up with Paige at the movie theater. We took in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Foregoing any book-to-movie comparisons, it was entertaining, although graphic. I liked Daniel Craig’s coat. On the way home, I began a 1.5 hour phone conversation with Joel and Melissa in Montana in which we talked about ministry joy and celebrations, television shows to watch, and the art of ping-pong on dining room tables. It was great to catch up [as always]!
And now I must retire for the evening. Between a funeral yesterday, church this morn, and a two-sermon weekend, I’m exhausted. And think I won’t be working tomorrow, or, for what little work I will do, I will do it in sweat pants from home [with the exception of the evening meeting I have]. I’m in need of a sanity day and, recalling that self-care is not selfish, will take the sanity as best I can.

two goals.

13 Jan
I entered this weekend [my wkend = Friday and Saturday] with two goals.  First, to make english muffins from scratch.  Second, to give my dog a bath.  Done and [kinda] done.  It’s amazing what I can get accomplished besides/instead of that funeral sermon for tomorrow and Sunday sermon for regular worship.
I don’t know if you know this about me but I love english muffins.  In fact, I don’t buy bread.  I buy english muffins.  Love them.  I wanted to try my hand at making them from scratch and, lo and behold, they turned out.  They are, however, much more time consuming than going to the store and buying a pack.  The drinking glass I used to cut them from the rolled dough was a little small so they are mini-english muffins but just as delightful.  I may need to try it again in the future with whole wheat flour.
And second.  I talked to Banana Kim on the phone Wednesday night and she mentioned that she gives her lab puppy a bath once a month and it seems to help with the shedding.  [The shedding is off the charts on the disgusting meter lately.]  I guessed it was something I should do [We had outside dogs growing up.  We never gave them baths.  I’m clueless with this sort of thing.] even though I have her signed up to be groomed when I have to board her later this month.  I bought doggy shampoo and then tried to barricade her in the bathroom.  It didn’t turn into much of a bath because I couldn’t figure out how to get her in the tub.  Dumb, right?  Totally!  But how do you make a 90 pound dog get into a bathtub they don’t want to get into?  I gave up rather quickly and then attempted to give her a scrubdown on the bathroom floor.  Four soaked old bath towels later, she was a little bit cleaner than when we began.  She did not like it one bit so in the future, I think I’ll leave this task to the professionals.
And so, my two goals for the weekend are more or less complete and I still have two sermons to write.  I suppose my next goal should be to finish those … or to finish the second disk of season three of HIMYM?  Hmm.

edible bananagrams.

12 Jan
Did you know they make Scrabble Cheez-Its?  Maybe I’m way behind on my knowledge of types of crackers and should make it a point to study the cracker/cookie aisle more thoroughly, but when I saw them at the grocery store, I decided they would make a perfect confirmation snack.  Before we began our lesson, we played bananagrams with them.
After that brief, unrelated activity, we dived into our lesson.  This January, we’re all about the 10 Commandments.  To begin, we each took five minutes, a scratch sheet of paper, and wrote them in our own words.  We compiled our answers and this was our collaborated conclusion:
My favorite part?  The “urself” and “u” and “ur” and “r.”   For this, it’s cute.  [I told them text language was fair game.]  However, in regards to general society, it’s a bit sad.  I have a friend who teaches at a junior high and he says that teachers regularly get papers and homework turned in with such abbreviations.  It makes the grammar nerd in me cry on the inside.