overwhelmed.

29 Aug
I am feeling completely overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed to tears.  I’ll cry at the drop of a hat or the start of a certain song on the radio.   I’ve been feeling such for the last couple days.  I realize that writing on my blog is not going to help that overwhelmed feeling disappear but it might make me feel the tiniest bit better simply to write.  Writing for me is therapeutic like that.  
The overwhelmy-ness [new word?] stems from lots of different places.  From the stress of moving, the long to-do list, and the uncertainty of what my life will be like in the next month … in the next year.  From the thought of how crazy September will be, needing to rely on other people to help me [self-admitted control freak], and sneezing six times.  [literally, six times.  just now.  last time that happened, I popped a blood vessel in my eye.  true story.]  I don’t even know where to begin in this packing bit.  I’m still in this crazy place of unpacking from previous trips and needing to clean and repack and that makes the spacial and strategic part of my brain hurt.  [And not only repack, but pack in stages, knowing that all of my things will not be moved at once but over the course of a month.]  I suppose there is a time when I just simply have to begin.  I feel stress in certain relationships within my life and struggle to know where I stand in others.  I’m tired and have not been eating my vegetables.  
It seems the best way for me to combat this overwhelmed sense in life is to simply ignore everything that needs to be done.    This morning I visited with Grandma, returned books to the library [okay, that was on the to-do list] and checked out a few movies [watching movies is not on the to-do list].  I picked up Molly Bea and we set off for a bit of shopping.  Now sure, there were things I needed.  [a toaster.  batting for a sewing project.  conditioner.]  I could have done the trip in a little over an hour if I was strategic about it.  
Instead of being strategic, I was with Molly.  We were gone for close to four hours, spending far too much time in Target and having far too much fun in Jimmy John’s while reading 20,001 Baby Names.  
We carried this cloud of batting to the cut counter.  
I’d have had it no other way.  After stopping at the grocery store [for vegetables] and to chat with my gracious mover-man [a brother of my best friends from high school – he’s being entirely selfless and awesome to me by moving my furniture], I figure I was gone for six hours easy.  Now I’m home and writing this.  One of these days I’m going to need to address this thing called packing.  And some minor car repair.  And packages that need sending.  And a few phone calls and financial bits.  
I think I might take a nap.

[AAA] betty and i.

28 Aug
Oh, the things Betty and I saw while driving to Alaska.  Here is from western Alberta onward …
[the idea didn’t occur to me until then.  for dumb.]

So.

28 Aug
I arrived home after my Minnesota adventures and have since proceeded to do nothing on my to-do list.
Oh, the list is long, friends.  Long.
Lots to do in the next week before I move.
I move in one week.  One week.
… … … … …
ONE WEEK!
I’ve watched Friends and Good Will Hunting.  Went to church.  Had a noon-day meal with extended family.  Napped.  Skyped with the sis.  Began creating a this-is-what-driving-to-alaska-looks-like video.  Responded to long-neglected emails.  Slept.  Spent hours on Pinterest.  [I created a new autumn board; I can’t wait for cooler temps and pumpkin everything.]
And I think that’s it.
So … … …

Confident.

26 Aug
While I was in Austin, the interim pastor and I drove to Rochester to check out the Mayo hospitals and stop in at the synod office.  I was stoked to stop in at the synod office because, though I had been there a couple times before, there was a new face to greet.
My Stillwater “mom,” Karen [at whose house I stayed last night], is now on staff at the southeastern MN synod!  We first worked together at Trinity Lutheran in Stillwater, then she joined me at seminary, and now we’re both in the same synod.  It’s quite awesome that she follows me around.  *wink*
I was excited to see and hug Karen and chat a bit about her work at the synod.  When I arrived, she was in the back conference room, meeting with a member of the synod staff whom I had not yet met.  We talked for a bit about my call, about the drive to Alaska, and about the ordination that had taken place on the same day as Karen’s big annual parade party.  [When Karen’s husband, Mark, heard that my ordination was going to be on the same day as their parade party he said, “It’s too bad that Lindsay will have to miss her ordination to come to the parade party!”]  It was a quick visit but it absolutely made my day.
Yesterday, when I arrived at Mark and Karen’s in Stillwater, Karen shared what her colleague [the woman on staff whom I had never met before] said after I left.  The synod staff member said something to the tune of “what a confident young woman!”  Me?  Confident?  That would often be one of the last adjectives I would use to describe myself, let alone someone else who just met me.  I’m well aware that confidence in myself and what I do has grown significantly in the last years but I never imagined that people would see that in how I present myself or interact.  
This post may border on bragging [apologies] but it felt awesome to be described in that manner.  Kinda makes me feel even more confident in who I am and the ways I’ve grown in the last years.  Confident.

Baby’s all grown up.

26 Aug
My baby went to college last weekend.
Okay, not my baby but my baby sister. 
We had done the college shopping weeks prior, filling two carts at Target all while coordinating towels, sheets, and storage crates.  I arrived home from Alaska late Saturday night and early Sunday we were off to move Emma into her dorm room.  Lots of changes are happening on Aarback Road these days!

We moved her in and helped her begin to unpack.  We toured the campus and ate lunch together and then had to say goodbye.  She’s only an hour from home and has a car, so it’s not quite the ordeal as when mom and dad dropped me off three hours from home with no car or cell phone as a freshman at Luther.  Not to mention, Emma makes friends so easily and is super friendly, much unlike her shy older sister.  Still, I remember those first few weeks of college – mine were rough.  I’m hoping Emma adjusts and begins to love every minute because seriously, I miss the college days.  She’ll do great.

[AAA] I’m a pastor.

26 Aug
I’ve already begun to get mail addressed to “Pastor Lindsay.”  Sometimes the envelopes also read “The Rev. Lindsay.”  [I don’t like those envelopes.  Far too formal for this girl.]  I’m a pastor.  whoa.  I had this realization while in Canada on the drive.  I’ve meant to share this story with you for a long while but craziness has ensued since returning to the lower 48.  
I arrived in Prince George and was ready to find a hotel for the evening.  At my second stop in the decent-sized town, hoping to find a room for less than $100 [a difficult task in Canada it seems], I met a super helpful clerk at the front desk of the Ramada.  I told him I was looking for a room and wondered how much it would cost.

Is this trip business or leisure?
Uh … leisure?
What company do you work for?
[silence with a likely dumb stare]
I’m trying to find the best deal for you.  Maybe your company will offer a discount.
I’m a pastor … [sarcastic laugh]
Oh.  Okay.

My first reaction was to laugh.  A discount?  I’m pretty sure not.  There are many perks to being a pastor [senior rates at the YMCA in Austin!] but I’m going to guess discounts at hotels in Canada is not one of them.  [Or at least not that I’ve ever heard.]  I thought to myself, yeah right.  I don’t think so.  
My second thought, as I walked away in search of a cheaper room, was to walk with a bit of a spring in my step [a la Professor Lose].  I’m a pastor.  How super cool awesome is that?  I’m a pastor!  It felt great to say it aloud, to own it, and to know that after much schooling and work, I’ve reached the profession – the call – that I am so excited to have.  I’m a pastor.  [huge grin]

[ps.  curious to see more photos from the AAA?  you should be able to click this link to access my facebook album of the adventure.]

home.

25 Aug
This word is on the brain.  Home.
According to my handy dandy dictionary [yeah.  I’m going to the dictionary.  *cliche*], a home is the place where one lives permanently.  I’m going to have to disagree, mr. dictionary man.  [I’m picking a fight so I’ll make the dictionary male.]  I’ve felt lately like I have more than just one home.  It’s not about permanent residence but about a lot more.
I spent last night in Dawson and when I return to this small southwestern Minnesota town, it feels like I’m going home.  The downtown is familiar, the air is sweet, and it’s where my Grace family lives.  It took me a long while into my year-long internship in this town to say that it ever felt like home, but now, even after I’ve been gone for almost exactly one calendar year, it still feels like going home.  
I arrived and promptly went to the home of my friend, C., to check in with him and his family which included a new addition of baby brother.  I drove up to the house, C. came running over, said, “Hi Lindsay!” and promptly ran past me and jumped into the driver seat of the car.  For the rest of my visit, that’s where he and his sister sat, pressing buttons, wearing my sunglasses and enjoying Sprocket.  It was fine by me because then I could hold the new baby, sweet as sweet can be.  I even got to feed him a bottle.  I think I want one some day.
From there, I picked up Mr. Organist and we went off to the Taste of Grace, an annual fundraiser supper at Grace.  I was wonderfully greeted and hugged by many congregation members.  [Others just kinda looked at me, realizing I was an anachronism.]  I loved it.  Harry, the member who consistently called me Sweet Pea, found me and used the nickname more than once.  [Only he can pull it off; I think I’d punch anyone else who tried such a name so get no ideas.]  I loved the catch-up conversations and the laughs.  I love the people of Grace.
I had a wonderful time with many former coworkers – a party that lasted until 2am and a lunch the next day thrown on top like the quintessential cherry.  It was the perfect night to sit outside and be like we used to be.  I think the staff agrees with me when I say we were tight-knit; I consider them great friends and I miss not being with them every day.  We talked about decorative grasses and extensively about oatmeal. [yeah. we’re that cool.]  The following day I had awesome conversation and lunch with Lori, the interim pastor I worked with upon first arriving in Dawson.  She has become a great mentor to me and it had been a year since we had seen each other – a year!  Certainly too long and not to be so long in the future, as plans will hopefully work to cross paths in Austin.
Now tonight, continuing the nomadic lifestyle that is my August, I stay in Stillwater with my Stillwater family.  Mark and Karen have welcomed me into their house so many times before; I even know where the spare key is.  [No, I will not tell you.]  It’s another place to me that feels like a home.  I feel comfortable, welcomed and always loved when I step inside these doors.  I feel known.  It’s a safe place of friends and great conversation.  
While my driver’s license currently reads with an Edgerton address as my permanent residence, that soon will change too.  Minnesota plates will be attached to Sprocket and my license will hold an Austin address.  A parsonage – to which I move in just over a week – will become yet another home to me.  The Edgerton home fits the dictionary definition; it is certainly a place that is a home and always will be.  But I think there’s more to home than the dictionary tells us.  It’s a place to feel loved, welcomed, and appreciated.  A place with friends and family, and a place you love to gather, to stay, and to visit.  Edgerton, Dawson, Mark and Karen’s house, and more to come – I’m blessed with many homes.  Incredibly blessed.

It was good.

24 Aug
[But now I need some major introvert Lindsay time.]
I’ve spent the last two days visiting my future congregation in Austin.  It was at the suggestion of the council that I visit and get a grip on a few things before diving in and beginning in September.  Wanting to make good on the council’s suggestion and come in on a good foot, I agreed to meet with the current interim, see what he had to say, and stay in the community for a few nights.
The interim showed me points of interest in the surrounding towns and gave me a few tips that he has learned as a pastor at Red Oak Grove.  A few things that he showed me were very helpful. [And a few … well.]  We had some good theological conversation with two very different perspectives – he as a pastor on the brink of retirement and me as one who is just beginning of another generation.  There were moments when I was really excited and moments when I was really terrified about what in the world I have gotten myself into …
A really good moment – despite the surprise of it – was the meet and greet that was planned for Tuesday night.  [I was not made aware that this would even be happening until Monday night – surprise!]  It was at the local pizza place and members knew that they could stop in and meet me – the new pastor – between 5:30 and 7.  Many members took advantage of it and I meeted and greeted until I was exhausted.  [I’m still exhausted!  Four hours in the car alone will be awesome to recharge.]  I got many flicks of the hand with “You’ll fit right in here.  I can already tell!” and only a few comments about my age.  [Unlike the interim who liked to add, “And that was only last year!” to my line of “We sold the farm when I was 16.”]  I think they are right – I think I’ll fit in.  They seem like a really great crew.
Who’s excited?  This girl.  
Now onward to Dawson for a night of gnome friends!  
Who’s excited for that?  This girl.

Up next.

21 Aug
I arrived home and promptly went to bed on Saturday.  I still haven’t recovered in the sleep/rest department, and I don’t think life is going to let me.
I hit the road bright and early tomorrow morning for Austin.  For Red Oak Grove to be specific.  I’ll spend the next three days catching up with the current interim, seeing what he has to say.  The goal is not for him to teach me his way of doing things so I can continue, but rather for me to get a grasp on where the congregation has been and the direction they are currently heading.  I’m hoping it’s a good experience and educational for the future ministry as I step in come September.  I’m not entirely sure what we’ll talk about/do for Monday afternoon, all of Tuesday, and Wednesday morning … but we’ll see.
While in Austin, I’ll be staying the night with jD and Lauren in Owatonna, including a dinner one evening with Paige, another seminary colleague.  I’m pretty darn excited to catch up with these friends and spend time with them.  It will be good.
From there, because I’ll already be halfway and I have the time so why not, I’m going to continue onto Dawson to take in the Taste of Grace, an annual supper held at Grace, on Wednesday night.  It may be the last time in a long while I’ll have the opportunity to visit and after driving to Alaska [remember that?], what is eight more hours?  Take note, Dawson friends, because I hope to see you there!  
After that, I’ll likely drive home through the Cities and make a few stops there, both city and friend-wise.    I’ll return home Thursday?  Friday?  Eh.  It doesn’t really matter.  Until I move on labor day weekend, I have nothing much on my calendar except to pack and prepare for the move.  It will keep me busy enough but to put it off in exchange for seeing far-off friends I am more than willing to do.  On the road again!

[AAA] The end.*

20 Aug
5.5 hours in a car to Anchorage
5 hours on a flight from Anchorage to Long Beach, CA
[enter five hour layover due to a delay – this is where I am now]
5 hours on a flight from CA to O’Hare
2 hours on a bus from Chicago to Janesville
15 minutes in a car to home

Add that all up and it’s still a shorter way home than my way to Alaska!  That’s what I told the woman who checked me in when she said, You’ve got a long day ahead of you.  Yup.
Ben, Kim, and I headed to Anchorage around 5pm last night and, upon arrival, ate a late dinner of pizza at the Moose’s Tooth.  [dee-licious spicy thai chicken pizza]  Speaking of a moose, I saw one!  Finally.  On the drive to the city, a moose and a baby crossed the road in front of the car ahead of us.  I didn’t get a great view and – like the bear – it all happened too fast to photograph, but I feel comfortable leaving Alaska now that I actually saw a moose for real.  Not stuffed.  For real.
From dinner, they dropped me off at the airport and while I went through security and checked my bag, they headed off to where they are staying for the weekend.  [long story short – with a cousin of ours’ girlfriend/they’re running a marathon on Sunday in Anchorage so hanging out and going to Home Depot until then]  Bye Ben.  Bye Kim.  It’s been fun.
Now let begin the marathon of getting home.  I was able to sleep for most of the first flight, which departed at 1:10am Alaska time.  I’m charging my computer and my phone as we speak, having scored an outlet in the tiny Long Beach Airport.  [Why in the world did I fly to Long Beach?  Good question.  All I know is that it was the cheapest flight I could find.  I might end up paying the price difference in mind and body.]  May the Mac gods and their minions keep me entertained and sane until arrival at home.

* while chronicling the end of the actual trip, a few more [AAA] stories will continue to be shared.  they are many.  the [AAA] label has not been retired.  yet.

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