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boring.

13 Aug
Sometimes I worry I’m boring.
I used to be fun but the pastor has taken all the excitement out of me.
Case in point: yesterday, Mabel and I drove to see gal pal, Sara in Chaska.  Sara and I first got to know each other working at Trinity in Stillwater and then we actually lived together for a summer in Stilly.  We would have laugh riots together.  We would do crazy things and have complicated awesome inside jokes.  Yesterday, there was a lack of laugh riots.  Not so much crazy except when a dog and a puppy get to playing.  Things were pretty subdued over dinner and Diet Coke.  I don’t blame Sara.  I blame me.  
In fact, sometimes I bore myself.
Bore, bore, bore.
[she says as she watches her cheesy australian soap, figures the mathematics of quilt tops in her head, and plans on being in bed by 11.]

neglect.

12 Aug
Neglect is what I’ve done to this blog.

I’m still here.  I haven’t been around much because I’ve been off with friends.  [a very good reason to neglect the blog in my world.]  Thursday night was dinner and catching up with my local family.*  Friday was dinner out with Paige and a little antiquing.  Saturday night was attending a wedding at ROG [which I did not officiate] and having Dawson penpal, Carter, stay the night with his family.
Lots of friend time.  Lots of busy socializing time.  Lots of this-makes-Lindsay-happy time.
And now today, I think Mabel and I are going for a ride to friend, Sara’s, house to meet her new puppy.    I’m taking a little post-liturgical breather and we’ll load up and head for the south-west edge of the Cities shortly.  Life is crazy but good crazy.  
* We laughed a ridiculous amount on Thursday night.  What did we laugh at?  This website [specifically attractive to my fellow pastors] and this video [potentially offensive in language to some].  There were tears.  It was wonderful.

housekeeping: a life update.

26 Jul
Just a few things I feel like sharing:
Dear Grandpa Sid [affectionately referred to as geeps or popsicle] had a minor heart attack a couple weeks ago.  He is at home and feeling better [from what I’m told].  Hospice care is on call and helping out as needed.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
An article on why it is hard for young adults to make and retain significant friendships.  I can relate. [Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?]
I’m ready for a new quilt project.  I’m going to slowly but surely tackle this scrappy one.  And a quilt shop is in the plans for tomorrow after the monthly horror of Lindsay attending the local care center board meeting.  [danger.  danger.]
I’m going home following worship on Sunday.  It has been well over half a year since I’ve been home.  Over half a year.  How can that even be?  [oh.  that’s right.  life is crazy.  that’s why.]  It’s a trip to see family, see friends, meet a new baby, say farewell to cousin, Connor, as he leaves to study abroad in Ghana, and hang out with as many lovely people as possible.  I’m looking forward to it.
In honor of Connor and his departure to study abroad, there is a party on Sunday night.  I’ll be the one bringing cakepops that look like the flag of Ghana.  The cakes are in the oven right now; wish me luck.
Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal.  Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal.  [I need the reminder.]  Root veggie chips, delicious as they are, do not constitute a meal. 
It’s been a rough week.  [see previous post.]   With all of the people time from last week, I could go a week and a half in solitude and still not have recovered.  Alas, there were members in Rochester I had to visit.  I dragged my feet but, truth is, once I was there, in the hospital room, I was glad I had went.  One of the people I visited was a dear older woman who was actually our pulpit supply last Sunday while I was gone.  She’s done it before many times.  Well, she had a minor heart attack Sunday night due to stress.  shit.  Me, asking her to preach, caused her a portion of that stress and thus indirectly was a cause of her heart attack.  She told me not to worry but you know me.  I worry and feel terrible.  shit.  Great job, Pastor Lindsay.
As I left the office to drive to Rochester, administrative assistant Marilyn – dear Marilyn – told me to treat myself.  It had been a hard week.  Go to Panera, she said.  Get good coffee, she suggested.  Treat yourself.  I did.  I went to Trader Joe’s and bought a bottle of $4 wine to which I will now return.
As you were.

NOLA

21 Jul

If you are so inclined, I hope you’ve checked out roglutheran.com/our-stories for some photos and daily happenings. I’ve been too sleepy at night to write in two places!

It’s been great so far. Really, it has. The days are long. We walk miles each day. Sometimes I get a little frustrated with the group’s want to shower three times a day. (No. Suck it up.) And how they don’t follow the dress code. (Please change your shorts.) And how they ask if the mass gatherings every night are required. (Yes. And they’re awesome.)

But really, it’s good. We are exploring a new city, hearing inspirational speakers each night, and bonding thru puddle jumping. (It’s been raining cats and dogs here the last two days. I’m glad I packed that umbrella and keens – shoes that can get wet and it’s all okay.) We’ve been worshipping and singing praise songs that I haven’t had opportunity to sing in years. Most days, I wonder if I’m enjoying myself and loving it all more than the kiddos.

The introvert in me finally got some time alone today. Last night, it got ugly. I was so crabby! A little time alone today and even a small glimpse and chat with friends (Josh, Kate, Karen, and Cassie) goes far with me. I’m feeling much better and much less crabby.

Just one quick story and it’s not even about one of my kids. We did a day of service yesterday. (All 38,000 Lutherans here will do four hours of service in their stay. It’s estimated that will help the city of New Orleans at a value of over $2million.) We boarded a bus with a couple other groups and went to a boys and girls club to lead a literacy camp and field day.

I was with the group assigned to read aloud with the kids. There were five from my group and three from another. Pennsylvania. One of them was this red-headed totally awkward boy. Totally. Everyone else found a little person to read with except him. I went over to him and asked him if he would like to join a group. No, that’s okay, he said. I’m not good with kids. I’d rather be in a library sorting books than reading to kids.

I told him all he had to do was sit down and read. Ask them their name. Engage them and show then that he cared. He had to show up and be present. Yeah, he said like he had heard it all before.

We switched groups and there was a girl in this next one that approached him. They sat on the couch and she took the book from his hand. She read Charlotte’s Web to him for a long time. In fact, she stayed longer than she even should have, wanting to keep reading. He showed up. He took a risk. He cared and he listened and by doing so, he shared love and shared joy. And I think that’s part of what this week is all about.

A few photos:

Arrival.

17 Jul

I’m here. In New Orleans. And it’s hot.

We drove through the night last night and it was as I expected it to be – not restful. But we made it and didn’t smell too bad after the long journey.

We registered, checked into the hotel, and headed out in the heat for a true New Orleans style meal. I had a muffuletta sandwich, really having no idea what it actually was but wanted to pay homage to Muffuletta’s, a restaurant just down the street from Luther Sem. It was a decent meal but ‘uge. I ate maybe a third of it.

A group of gals and I went out exploring the town after dinner. As expected in the French Quarter, it was an eye-opening experience. Even for this gal who has traveled a fair bit, there were some surprises. And I’m sure it’s only the beginning.

When we got back to the hotel, it was one of lindsay’s favorite parts of the day (and what I anticipate will be a favorite part of this whole experience) – running into and hugging people I know! I saw Mr.Pete, a ministry man I first worked with in Stillwater, and my friend, Kate, who I haven’t seen for nearly two years! It was wonderful and I anticipate more run-ins with favorite people from the past and present!

Now it’s bedtime. Tomorrow is swamp tour day and the first official day of the gathering. I must bid you goodnight.

But first, here is a photo of my massive sandwich –

shut the front door –

3 Jul
It’s July.
When did that happen?  [aka when the f* did we get ice cream? right, Joe, Amanda, Sara, and everyone else with whom we have that inside joke?  right?!]
I’m totally bummed and excited that it’s July.
First, I’m bummed.  Summer is, like, half over and I feel like I have nothing to show for it.  Summer makes claims that it is less busy and things slow down.  Summer lies.  While I feel that has happened a bit, it’s been forced.  I’ve forced myself to try and stick to forty hours a week and two full days off, but there is still much to do and plan and evaluate in the church.  And summer masquerades as this season to do fun things and hang out with friends.  While I did fun things and hung out with friends on vacation in the first week in June, since then I’ve been pretty boring with no friends.  [That’s not completely true.  But I need to do more.  And find more friends.]  I need to put another vacation on the calendar.
While I’m bummed, I’m also excited.  July is the month of the national youth gathering in New Orleans.  I’m heading down on the 16th with five youth from Red Oak Grove [along with 30,000 other Lutheran youth and chaperones] and it should be a great time [though also hot and steamy and exhausting].  A dear old seminary friend is coming to visit right before the trip departure and I look forward to reconnecting with him.  But, then, uh … I realize the excitement runs out.  Quick!  I need more to be excited about …
Maybe blocking out a train trip to Montana in January to visit a couple new baby girls?  Maybe a plane ride to Texas to see Joe and Amanda?  Maybe taking a horseback riding community education class?  [Okay.  I’ll be honest.  That’s more fear than excitement but something I feel I should try again.]  Maybe a Canadian cruise with Paige?  [Notice how all excitement revolves around travel and friends.  huh.]  Maybe …

links for a crabby monday.

25 Jun
I’m terribly crabby today.  Stay away.  Seriously – that’s your warning.
I think it’s because I’m at work [… and blogging.  opps.] and not outside in this beautiful weather.  It might be because I started work at 7:30 yesterday morning and didn’t get done until 8 last night [with a little time for a nap in between].  Needless to say, today is a catch-up and work-ahead office day in my jeans and tshirt.  And I might leave mid-afternoon.  [Shh.]  I need to be outside today before the heat arrives and makes me glisten.  [I had a conversation post-church yesterday with three women.  They decided that women don’t sweat.  They glisten.]
Thus, instead of subjecting you to crabbiness [no one wants that], I give you links.  Huzzah!
My pastor colleague, Emily, writes a column in the Rochester newspaper each week.  I give this one a hearty AMEN.
This is a real thing and I want to go to there.  It’s on my calendar.  Now I just need friends to go with … hint, hint.
I’m so intrigued.  D. Lose knows how to make a girl think.  And how to make her add books to her reading list.
We’re making these to take to New Orleans with us for the youth gathering.  I think it will be a great experience to hand them out to those who are homeless as we encounter them in our time there.
This sounds delicious.  I’ve been on a zucchini kick lately.
Okay.  I’m done.  Back to being crabby at my desk.  I hope your Monday is non-crabby and awesome!

mascara: not just for eyelashes.

21 Jun
I went out last night.
That’s right.
I went to dinner and to see The Sound of Music at the local community college with four women from the church.  It was an enjoyable time but worry it’s a glimpse of my future.
We left the church parking lot at 5pm.  Austin is about a 15 minute drive and the show was at 7:30.  We didn’t want to be late.
We ate at Culver’s where I learned that if I ever have gray hairs around my face, using mascara as a temporary cover-up is always an option.
We got to the theater at 6:30 to pick up our tickets which were being held for us.  There were only two other people there at that time, and neither of them were the box office people.  So the five of us journeyed to the bathroom.
There were five sinks in the bathroom.  Five sinks; five of us.  I was at the middle sink, washing my hands, and looked to my left and my right and knew I had to get out of there.  I left and waiting in the hallway while they combed their hair.  I tweeted from my iphone, needing to do something that reminded me I am still under 30 years old.
We waited some more.  Doors to the theater weren’t going to open until 7pm.  twiddle thumbs.
The show was good but a wee long.  I didn’t get home until after 10:30 which made it a long night.  [says the youngest gal in the group]  It was very nice of them to ask me to go with and it was a fun time but I underestimated how much energy it would require me.  I was one tired lady.
To bed I went, dreaming of raindrops on roses and white woolen mittens, and reminding myself that I’m only 28 going on 29, even if my typical company was a wee bit older.  And my mascara is reserved for my eyeslashes.  For now, at least.

asparagus.

15 Jun
I wanted to find out how to cook asparagus in a new way.
I went to pinterest and searched.
My search results were interesting.

Reminds me of the llama, llama, cheesecake, llama video of college popularity. 
Asparagus, asparagus, creepy animal, asparagus …
I’ve included a photo of my finished dinner plate. Grilled cheese is one of those foods I could eat forever and ever, and it’s been forever since I’ve ate one. The bread was an afternoon purchase from a Mennonite family at the Austin farmer’s market. That bread is so delicious it’s dangerous. Danger. Danger.

lonely.

15 Jun
In the last two weeks, I’ve been told two specific things, each three times.  Stay with me –

Three different times, people have told me that they appreciate my honesty.

Three different times, people have had conversations with me about how lonely ministry is.

I will now share with you honestly how ministry is lonely.

ding.  turn page.

Ministry is lonely.  That seems like an absurd thing to even say.  You might want to respond, Lindsay, you’re with people all the time.  Part of your job is to have conversation with people.  How is your job lonely?

It is.

The role of an ordained minister is, by its very nature, lonely. People often see us as set apart, which we means we must be intentional about finding relationships that allow us to be our true selves. We desperately need the space to laugh, cry, and rejoice together! [source: supporting young clergy]

True story.  And it’s hard to find those intentional relationships that allow us to be our true selves.  And it’s hard to work at a solo call with no colleague to bounce ideas off us, celebrate, and complain.  And it’s hard to have a long day and not have anyone with whom to share that.

I certainly am surrounded by family and friends who I know I could call and say all these things to … but it’s not quite the same.  I also know how fortunate I am to have Paige, jD, and Lauren nearby; I wouldn’t have made it this far were it not for them.  But it’s still lonely at times.

In every other place I’ve moved [college, Stillwater, seminary, Dawson], there have been potential friends built into the structure – be it coworkers or fellow students.  Here, alone in the middle of a cornfield … not so much.  And I’m completely at a loss where to even begin.

That’s life.  And that’s part of why I cry so much and am slightly, halfway unhappy here.  It’s not all the congregation and it’s not all me.  Part of it is simply is loneliness and part of it is that I don’t know how to fix it.

And I guess that’s really all I know to say about that.

[Talk about an anti-climatic post and ending.  When I first starting writing this yesterday afternoon, I anticipated it being a long, involved post.  … guess not.]

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