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scones and signs.

10 May
Let me summarize confirmation last night.
Pastor Lindsay: Hey, guys.  I have some scones leftover from a meeting this morning if you want one.
Confirmands: scrunched noses  Scones?  What are scones?
Pastor Lindsay … Introducing international coffee treats and new sandwich shops to youth day by day.
We talked about the Psalms last night and I employed the confirmands to help me change the signboards at the church.  Pick a verse from a psalm, I told them.
Here is board number one:
Pastor Lindsay: You know how when you type in all capital letters, it’s like someone is yelling at you?  STEADFAST LOVE SURROUNDS THOSE WHO TRUST IN THE LORD!  I feel like the sign is yelling at us.
Confirmand: Pastor Lindsay, you know signs can’t talk, right?
We went to the second church sign.  And ran out of S’s.  Change of plans –

a day off.

8 May
It’s been more than a couple weeks since I’ve had a complete, full day off and I’ve been a bit bitter about it.  And so today, I did no work.  It was the most wonderful, extraordinary day ever.  I look forward to doing it again soon – that whole not working thing.
I reorganized my craft room and sewed a curtain.
I displayed many of the instagram prints I ordered a couple weeks ago.
I made a batch of iced coffee.
I made my bed – actually made my bed.  It’s been weeks.
I ate a delicious supper of salmon and roasted broccoli.
I updated the firmware on the router in the office. [say what! I surprised myself.]
I discovered how to get internet in my house.  [three cheers for that one.]
I bought a roku and it is changing my life as I type.
I’m about to make scones to take to text study tomorrow.
I ran errands in Austin.
I assembled individual jars of cold oatmeal with strawberries.
Seriously.  This day has changed my life.  Yesterday, just knowing I would have a free day put a spring in my step.  And then today … lovely.  Absolutely lovely.  Alas, back to work tomorrow but then I’m just three short weeks away from a week of vacation.  I might count the days.

crazy week.

8 May
You know I’ve been a bit busy this last week.  In between the sermons and the services, there were storms and sandwiches.  
My hammock tree feel down in a storm.  Now I have no where to hang my hammock.  When I say I’m devastated, I’m  toning my emotions down.
This is what a crazy week does to my desk. eeeeeek.
We had confirmation class outside and talked about the Psalms.
These are the kiddos that I’m going to New Orleans with in July and – wait for it – they. had. never. had. jimmy. johns.  gasp.  I introduced them.  You’re welcome, Red Oak Grove youth.  You’re welcome.

curve balls.

5 May
I was riding in the lead car to the cemetery for a funeral last week with my … erm … favorite funeral director.  [Favorite for a story I haven’t shared with you.  The last time we worked together on a funeral he violated my personal bubble by making the sign of the cross on my thigh while we rode to the cemetery.  I was disturbed.  Needless to say, the next time around I sat as close to the door and as far away from him as I could.  Now he just puts me on edge!]  This cemetery was a good fifteen minutes from the funeral home where the service had been.  [Even more time for him to invade my space.  But luckily he didn’t.]  We made small talk to and from.
So how are things going out at Red Oak Grove? he asked.
Well, there are getting to be fewer curve balls.
He laughed.  I think he thought I was kidding.  I’ll take laughing, as long as he’s not touching my leg.
As with any new job, there are curve balls!  Gradually, I’m getting through the firsts.  First Christmas.  First funeral.  First Easter.  First interactions with certain people.
But then with this week, I’m learning I’m still up to bat and there are curve balls a plenty.  
First wedding.  First wedding where there is little to no communication about anything.  First you’re-going-to-come-and-pray-at-the-reception-dinner-right? question the night of rehearsal even though I was never formally invited.  First funeral where a person involved wants to co-opt it from the preacher.  Figuring out air conditioning systems and audio systems.  Learning how to run a wedding rehearsal with fourteen attendants on either side.
I’m surviving.  I’m still alive.  But I’m sure ready for it to be Sunday evening.

batman & wife were here.

22 Apr

It was a long day today.  I left the house at 7:30 this morning, stopped back briefly for lunch, and then was gone until 7 this evening.  Exhausted, I walked to the back door and found the proper key.  I reached to open the screen door and spied a piece of paper stuck in the door.
I read said note and then my jaw dropped.  I might have screamed, “Noooo!” in supreme disappointment.   I missed Batman and wife.  I missed Batman and wife!  They were at my house while I was off leading a church service at the care center and learning all about the national youth gathering in New Orleans.  Nooo!
Who’s Batman, you wonder?  Who is his wife?  And who would ever call this girl Sunshine?
Sit back.  Let me tale you a tale from Gnometown.
I still remember the day Custodian Keith of Grace Lutheran Church sauntered past my office at the church and greeted me by saying, “Good morning, Sunshine.”  From that moment on, it was [one of] my nickname[s].  [I also recall the day, fairly early in my internship year, when Custodian Keith walked past and casually asked me, “Have any boyfriends yet?”]
That year of internship I learned that Custodian Keith is pretty great at catching the bats that fly about the church.  Sometimes he put them [still living] in glass jars and set them on peoples’ desks.  He became the batman and I started buying Batman things for him when I would come across them, like a Batman sprinkler [the kind you attach to the end of a hose] for $2.50 at a church garage sale.  I would mail him toy rubber bats and he gave me toy rubber bats in jars.  [They sit on my bookshelf.]
And Batman’s wife?  She makes lovely donuts.  A true treat.
Gail, if you still read the blog on occasion, know that I’m super bummed I missed you!  There are potential plans to visit your neck of the woods a la graduation time so me hopes I’ll see you and Batman then!

it’s monday.

16 Apr
I’m still at home.  I have the hardest time going to work on Monday mornings!  If I’m in the office by 10, that’s pretty good for me.  I feel a little guilty because the quilting women begin arriving by 8:30, likely when I’m still eating my breakfast in my pajamas and watching Josh Elliot on Good Morning, America.  But then I remember how I spent Saturday writing my sermon and I don’t feel so bad.
Anyways.  Here.  Have some links [web, not sausage] on this Monday morn.
Your brain on fiction.  Further proof that book nerds are awesome and so are their brains.
I won’t love you like a love song.  Thoughts on love in popular culture and what it really might mean.

Maybe if we stopped worrying so much about finding “the one” and concentrated on being loving to everyone—ourselves included—we’d relax into the present moment a little more and actually be able to be in love, no falling required. 

I don’t even know if I like eggs benedict but it’s eggs benedict day!  It makes me want to try.  If I were to try, I would rely on the pioneer woman to teach me how.

travel now. or in three years.

14 Apr
I visited a man named Norm on Thursday at a care center.  He’s sweet and always makes a few off-handed comments to note.  “What are you wearing on your feet?  Moccasins?” [They were red heels.]  “Men in Owatonna are tall.  At least six feet.”  
Last week while we were visiting, he shared his wisdom that went something like this –

If I could give people advice, I would tell them to travel.  Don’t wait.  People work hard and settle down with families and plan to travel later when they save their money, but things don’t always go as planned.  It might not happen.  Travel now.

Oh, Norman.  I could have hugged him for this comment, and oh how I want to do exactly what he suggests.  Today in my mailbox I received my first issue of Travel and Leisure, a magazine that boasts hotels, restaurants, and travel plans far too luxurious for my salary.  But I love to look and dream.  [And I used my frequent flyer miles to pay for the subscription, which, I suppose, is slightly backwards.]
This month, an article on Madrid is featured.  I was lucky to travel to Madrid when I was a sophomore in high school with a school group.  It was beyond awesome – a group of, oh, fifteen of us and five of them were Bananas and three more guys who grew to be close friends because of the trip.  [Two of whom are now married to Bananas!]  My eyes were opened that trip – my first time on a airplane and the longest I’d ever been away from home [two weeks].  We discovered Kinder eggs, spent a day in Morocco, and saw incredible cathedrals and fortresses.  We explored the halls of the Prado museum, walked the streets of bustling European cities, and learned the joy of eating bread and cheese for breakfast on open-air patios at our hotels.  
It’s been nearly exactly 12 years since that trip, since I caught that disease people always talk about – the travel bug.  I want to go back.  I wonder what it would be like to experience a European city for a second time around.  I feel more experienced, more ready for the adventure of travel.  It’s funny how that feeling and urge coincides exactly with my severe inability to afford anything like it.  [Thanks a lot, Norm and T&L.]
It makes me want to brush up on my Spanish [aka start over] and say that in three years – come hell or high water – Madrid and I will reunite.  I would also settle for a return visit to Istanbul, or going for the first time to Ireland or Norway.  Really, I’m not too picky so I guess I should rephrase – in three years – come hell or high water – I will get on a plane and cross an ocean.  
One can dream.

mediocre drama.

11 Apr
It turns out getting internet is like a mediocre drama film.
No romance, horror, or documentary.  But there was a little comedy as Daniel, once again, used the word comma as a spoken part of a sentence and not just as a squiggle on paper.  I love grammar humor.  Oh, Daniel.  [Who, I realized, reminds me totally and completely of prom date and friend, Timmy.  Totally.]
He arrived, along with his assistant/girlfriend/truck passenger.  Dashed romantic notions aside, they went to work.  Walking on roofs, pulling cable, and climbing up tall ladders, eventually a cable made its way to the router.  The. church. has. internet.  Praise Jesus.
My house, however, does not.  Putting aside some questionable ethics, we’ll wait and see if a wireless booster does the trick.  If not, well, I’ll wear my sweats and bring a blankie to church to watch The Office, season seven, of which I have seen no episodes.  [woe to me, right?]
Mediocre drama it may be.  Hopes both realized and dashed.  The outcome positive but not the best case scenario.  No hearts broken but no love found.  But truth is, I’d watch this mediocre drama any day.  And now with fast internet, I can stream it online.
Ticket, please.

tomorrow.

10 Apr
I’ve waited.  And dreamed.  And waited.  Finally, the day is almost here.  Tomorrow.  The day when I can once again watch my television shows online, peruse google reader, and send an email in less than five minutes.  Oh, the glorious day.
Tomorrow is it.  The internet comes tomorrow.  There are lots of expectations and there has been lots of time to think about what the day will actually be like in the last seven months of mediocre to poor internet.  I’ll spell it out for you according to movie genre.  
Here’s how the day would go if my life were a romantic comedy:
Last time Daniel, the internet man, was here, he cracked a grammar joke.  [I always say humor is the way to my heart.  Make it grammatical humor and that’s the fast lane to my love.]  He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring either.  I imagine him walking in, and I tell him that he’s my favorite person ever.  [That might actually happen.]  He sets up the internet, cracks another grammar joke, and is intrigued by my pastoral charm.  He asks me out.  I say yes and blush.  ps he drives a truck.
If my life were a horror movie:
Daniel comes.  It starts to storm with crazy rain and lightning.  Because of the weather, he cannot set up the internet.  Oh, the horror.
If my life were a documentary:
It would be hand-held camera style with likely much footage of Daniel explaining to the camera how his type of miraculous internet works while standing on the roof.  I would be near-by, soaking it all in, likely wearing my cleric collar to maintain all clergy stereotypes.  There would be an interview of me, probably sitting in a church pew with the altar in the background, sharing my feelings and woes of life with no internet.  When the internet is set up and works properly, the church would have a hamburger feed.  There would be balloons. 
If my life were a foreign film:
There would be subtitles, a la llamas in Monty Python.
In real life? 
Stay tuned.  The story will be told tomorrow.
Tomorrow.  Tomorrow.  
Tomorrow.

my childhood.

9 Apr
My mom is thinking of selling her house and building another.  I’ve moved and now have a ridiculously large house for one person and a dog.  Both of these mean that every single thing I own is now coming to live with me.

When my mom came for Easter, she brought boxes.  “Here’s your childhood,” she said.

Yup.  Here is is – random doll limbs and naked kids that are born in heads of lettuce.

[There were other things too.  Four formal dresses in varying shades of red, American Girl clothing, and a lava lamp.]

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