there's no place like gnome.

– the Kindle club.

I’ve been dreaming and wanting the Kindle, the e-book reader by Amazon, for nearly a year now.  The confirmation students in Dawson knew this well and rarely a week went by when Kyler didn’t ask me if I had bought my “Kendall” yet.  Kyler: I finally did.  I joined the Kindle club.  And I feel pretty good about it.

It arrived in the mail today and it contributed greatly to my impressive procrastination of the day.  I’m learning the buttons, playing with features, and will honestly admit that I have read nothing on it yet but the user’s guide.  In due time.  My hope is that it will help me be more dedicated to leisure reading because I do enjoy a good non-theological read and think reading for fun will benefit my sanity.  There have been many books I have wanted to purchase in the past months but I’ve held off, knowing I would finally break down and buy a Kindle and thus be able to pay less money for the book at that point.

But for now, I must write a sermon and a final course paper.  No new books yet – let’s not get too excited.  I will indulge in a little Jane Austen – Mansfield Park was free!  That’s another great thing about the Kindle – hundreds of books with copyright dates before a certain year are free to download.  This e-reading device will pay for itself!  (I hope … that’s me trying to not feel guilty about the purchase …)

// afraid/apprehensive/scared/pessimistic/nervous/worried //

Tomorrow afternoon, Friday, after a long day of classes, is the first step in my approval process.  In order to be considered for ordination, I need to be approved by both the faculty and by my home synod candidacy committee.  Tomorrow is the interview with my faculty advisor and another faculty member.  They will ask me questions about my approval essay and other questions about my theological beliefs.  I’m terrified.  

I’m not always so quick or so articulate about my theological beliefs.  (Real great for a pastor, right?)  I can articulate theology in a sermon or in a confirmation lesson but ask me academically what justification or grace is and I’ll begin to stutter.  Sure, I’ll grab my thoughts and voice sooner than later but it’s not always pretty.  (What else isn’t pretty?  My self-confidence.)  Add it to the interrogation feel of me sitting across from two professors with their doctorates in theology/Bible and I’m scared stiff.  

I know I shouldn’t be worried.  They’re professors and they’re nice people.  They want to see me succeed.  But it’s just the idea that if I screw this up, this could prevent me from doing what I truly feel called to do.  Not only what I feel called to do but what I love to do and where I feel my gifts are used to the fullest.

Prayers and warm thoughts at 4pm are gratefully welcomed.  

Update: I’m approved!  Well, my faculty interviewers will recommend me for approval … this is simply the first step but one in the right direction!

A week ago, I drove westward on the roads I know well – the ones that lead from St.Paul to Dawson.  I was making a quick Sunday night venture to gnomeville to give Karen, admin extraordinaire, a HUGE hug.  That really was my only object; everything else was extra.  Karen’s father had passed away suddenly and my heart goes out to anyone with that experience or any kind of sudden family death.  The hug was delivered to Karen at the visitation.  Check.  And then I was blessed with lots of hugs beyond that.  It was wonderful to see many of my former coworkers, though under such icky circumstances.

It was sad.  It was wonderful.  It was weird.  Dawson is no longer my current home.  Grace is no longer my church.  There is a new intern.  It felt a bit strange … which in many ways was a good piece of closure for me as I continue to move forward in my school year, but in other ways the grief continued as a reminder that it is different, over, and never will return.  Please don’t misunderstand me – I love it still.  I felt welcomed.  But it’s … very different.  (As is only to be expected.)

I spent the night in Dawson and was greeted at the place of my stay by four giddy girls, jumping up and down, yelling, “Noodles!” to every car that passed that wasn’t mine.  These four girls greeted me with a cheer, with hugs, and by making me run through the banner they made me —

It was super sweet.  The banner now hangs on the wall of my bedroom.  I love it.

My friend, Sara, and I had a sleepover on Friday night.  We drank our favorite almond champagne from Trader Joe’s, watched The Big Bang Theory on dvd, compared making-our-own-hummus-stories (Sara’s was a success.  Mine not.), and checked in – it had been a while since we’d seen each other even though there are only ten minutes separating us.  (Well, ten minutes plus homework, jobs, families, other friends.  We’re busy people.  As are all of you.)

– a 5k and five mile run/walk.  (I’ll do the math for you – 1.8 miles.)

There is a run/walk at an apple orchard in White Bear Lake and every year, Luther promotes it and encourages students to sign up for the event.  This year the promo was a free tshirt and $10 off the registration fee.  Okay.  I was convinced, especially since I began back on the 10k training last week as one of my goals for fall.  A 5k run/walk – 3.2 miles.  I can definitely handle that.

A friend and I signed up.  And then Nathan caught that the five was followed not by a ‘k’ but by the word ‘mile.’  We signed up for a five MILE run/walk.  Not a 5k.  Opps.  (Who does that?  Miles instead of kilometers?  Americans, I suppose …)

The good news is that it is a run/walk.  We can run as much of it as we want and walk the rest.  I have no qualms about finishing at all; I just don’t know how timely we will be.  Until then, for the next four weeks, I’m back at it.  October 23rd is the day.  Here we go.

The first reason for my weekend trip home was to return my mother’s vehicle and regain mine.  I was happy to do the exchange.  While my mother’s SUV aided well in the initial moving stage, I’m not such a fan of driving the vehicle in the city traffic.  I’m quite content with my small Corolla, thankyouverymuch.

So we did the vehicle exchange.  Check.  Then I kinda shrugged my shoulders.  What else was I to do?  I brought homework home with me, the 300 or so pages I’m assigned to have read for tomorrow.  I could do homework … or … I could find other ways to procrastinate.  This is what I came up with —

Five out of the seven Dancing Bananas (the high school crew) were reunited as Allison visited from Texas for one night only.  We pride ourselves in staying in touch and getting connected whenever we are home, eight and a half years after we graduated from high school and went our separate ways.

Sister Emma, cousin Molly, and I took a shopping trip.  Crazy to think, but Edgerton homecoming is this week already so my sister was in need of proper clothing (from an animal print jacket that, according to cousin Connor, probably has mice living in it, to the perfect jewelry to complete the homecoming dance dress).  We drank coffee, shopped, and ate lunch with Jimmy John.  And Molly picked out her Halloween costume.

I love fall.  But don’t tell spring.  I feel that every season has its own value and unique character but fall and spring are my babies.  When I’m in the midst of fall, I say I love fall the most.  In the middle of the muddy, rainy spring, I’ll say spring is my favorite.  I guess you could say I’m a fair-weather fan.  (har har)  I’ve been loving the weather recently.  The chance to wear my long-sleeved cardigans.  To sleep with heavy quilts weighing down upon me.  The crispness of the air.

I spent my Sunday morning with three seminary friends, sitting in the car and worshipping.  We attended Trinity in Stillwater’s drive-in worship service.  Trinity, the church where I used to work in children’s ministry, has held drive-in services at an abandoned drive-in movie theater across the St.Croix in Houlton, WI for many years.  Recently, Trinity acquired the property which means even more Sundays at the drive-in.  You arrive, find a place to park, tune in your radio, and worship in your car.  And I love it.

My seminary friends were skeptical.  Other people I’ve talked to are skeptical.  How can this type of church service build community?  You sit in your car?  Weird.  Truth is, I see more community at this service than many others I’ve attended.  This is how it works – we sit in our car.  Sometimes we sing.  Sometimes it’s just awkward to sing.  So we don’t.  My favorite drive-in song?  If you’re happy and you know it, honk your horn.  (Seriously.)  After the sermon, after the prayers, after the offering, the words of institution are given and the mass exodus from vehicles begins.  Everyone leaves their cars and finds one of the stations to receive communion.  And here the service basically ends.  Because after sitting in your car for the prior part of the service, you begin talking, greeting, and connecting with the other worship attendees you haven’t yet seen that morning.  Here is the community.  There have been many Sundays where I’ve been one of the last cars to exit because the conversations, the hugs, and the community that continues long after the service as ended.

After the service, we parked the car in Stillwater and went antiquing before grabbing lunch at Nacho Mama’s.  As a child, I hated antique stores.  I hated the way in which my parents built antique store detours into our family vacations.  My brothers and I waited in the car or followed our parents around the mazes of antiques, thinking about how old this weird stuff was.  My view has changed.  I love antique stores.  The old stuff.  The possibilities.  I came away with nothing, aware that I have no employment and will be moving again in eight months.  Cassie however bought some peacock feathers.  Why not.

Grocery shopping.

There are pros and there are cons to both the Dawson-style of grocery shopping and the St.Paul version of grocery shopping.

Tonight, I was very annoyed by the St.Paul version.

It’s impossible to run out and grab anything.  First, drive through approximately ten stop-and-go lights.  Ten minutes if you’re lucky and they’re green; fifteen if they’re red.  Second, wait to check out in lines at least four customers deep.  Third, it just takes too long.  I had a list of ten, maybe fifteen things to grab and it took me an hour.  Gross.

And I kept looking up at people as they passed.  Do I know that person?  No.  Of course not.  If someone cut me off suddenly with their cart, no acknowledgment or apology.  Just a continued run to where they were headed.

I’m disenfranchised with city grocery shopping.  Months ago, I would have told you that I disliked shopping in Dawson because of the lack of options.  And the fact that you couldn’t go in and out without finding someone you know and have a five minute conversation with the traditional Minnesotan goodbye would sometimes get to my introverted self.  But a run to Tim’s now sounds very favorable.  (Even better if they would carry hummus.  Because I bought good hummus tonight.)  After my hour outing for Craisins, coffee necessities, and a few other things that ended up taking an hour of my night, I think I prefer the Dawson version at the moment.